Boulder Mountain: A Video

I finally finished the video of our trip! Remember how I'm really amateur, though? Yeah. It was such a fun trip and I'm glad we took the time to grab some video while we were there! I've found myself with mixed feelings this week - one day I'll be wishing we were still there, and the next, I'm so glad we're home. I was pretty sick for most of the trip, especially toward the end when I got dehydrated on our hike to Calf Creek Falls, but I'd still do it again in a heartbeat, sunburn and all!

day 31 / a vivid memory

HO-LY COW. Are you sick of me yet? Cause I'm sick of me. I promise to never again blog every day because I'll admit, it's a little bit annoying. But! I made it to the very end! With the exception of my trip, after this post, I will have successfully blogged every day in May! Some of these topics were really fun, and some really got me thinking. I liked being able to have a prompt like that. Maybe I'll just think of my own prompts and post them whenever I feel like it. We'll see. Anyway... today's topic, the very last one, is to write about a vivid memory, and this one has been on my mind a lot lately. It all started last week when a friend asked me, "when did you know you were in love with Devin?"

I know exactly when I knew.

Devin and I had been dating for about a month or two.We had seen each other every single day since our first date. For the most part, that was just because we wanted to. We loved being together. But then, once we realized we were making quite a streak, we made a bigger effort to never miss a day, which made for a lot of visits at work, and even more late nights. We were both working and going to school full time, and our schedules were often opposites, so a lot our dates were things like math homework or grocery shopping. That way, we could still see each other, and get everything done at the same time.

Most of our nights would be late, usually after I had gotten off work (I was working at Bath and Body Works at the time - thrilling, I know). I would go over to Devin's apartment he shared with 2 other roommates and we would make blueberry pancakes and bacon and drink V8 juice and watch TV. We were both hungry and needed to wind down, so it was the perfect combination.

So we did just that. I had helped Devin pick out a griddle a week or two earlier, and we had used it almost every night since for our pancakes and bacon! Breakfast for dinner was our favorite. We had gotten in the habit of eating dinner pretty late with this, and we still to this day, usually eat dinner between 7:00 and 8:00pm!

When we finished cooking our breakfast for dinner, we loaded up our plates and piled on the syrup and headed straight for the couch, like always. This relationship was still so new, but we had so much chemistry that it truly felt like we had been best friends for years and years. Being around Devin came very naturally for me, and I was comfortable around him from the beginning.

Devin began channel surfing and finally settled on House Hunters: International. I even remember the episode. I think they were in Panama. We leaned over our plates on the coffee table and half-watched while we talked about whatever between bites.

Then I set my plate down, leaned back on the couch, and took in this view of Devin sitting next to me, eating breakfast for dinner at 9:00pm, watching HGTV. And I realized right then that this was the rest of my life. That feelings was so weird and confirming and it just washed over me. It seems like such a small and silly moment. We were just doing our normal routine, like we had done for weeks before. There wasn't anything different about that night, except that feeling. I knew right then that the rest of my life would be spent eating breakfast for dinner, just a little later than acceptable, watching TV shows. With Devin.

And you know what? It's been about two and a half years since that night and not much has changed :)

Viola!

*also, i did have a great picture in mind to share on this post but i cannot find it anywhere... slash... i'm too lazy to really look for it... :) *

day 30 / letting go. or at least... trying to

today's topic is another sticky one. the prompt says, "react to this term: letting go" 

(insert biiiiig exhale here)

so, here's the thing. i had this whooooole other life before i met devin. and it's not something i like to bring up, and it's the main reason why i deleted over a year's worth of posts from the beginning of this blog. i dated someone very seriously for several years and it just ruined me. i mean, it really took a toll on my everything. i came away from those years so emotionally unstable. so mentally sick (i don't mean like evil sick, i mean like my mind had the flu.. haha) i couldn't trust. i had all of these horrible tendencies like jealousy and second guessing everything. i couldn't trust anyone. i had lost all self esteem. this guy had just ripped it all out of my hands. but he did it in such an awful, slimy, snake way. he was so manipulative and controlling and i saw right past it. i was so blind and it was so obvious and i feel like such an idiot about it all now. what a mistake it all was. why didn't i notice? why didn't i see that? he was so good at persuading  and lying and i believed every word he said. he could talk his way out of absolutely anything and he was so scary-good at lying. i watched him lie to everyone else in his life, but always had this sick idea that he was always telling me the truth. because i mattered. right? i was under the impression, at least. even after things ended, it was hard for me to come to terms with all of the truth that came out after the fact. it's still hard. i still struggle with it. it still keeps me up at night. i had endured so many horrible things, without even knowing it. it was just the worst. it ruined me. he was such an awful person to me, and i felt so defeated.

enter devin. and every part of my ruined self was fixed. almost instantly. i became a new person. i was confident again. i was happy. i was thriving. but it was still hard. and those slimy feelings would come back  sometimes in the beginning and i would doubt and i would second guess and i would pull away and i would build these walls and i would hate myself for it because i knew in my heart that i could trust devin and he never once had given me a reason not to, but i couldn't help myself. it was these slimy tendencies. these habits that had formed from all those years of being mistreated and taken advantage of. i just couldn't shake it. i couldn't let it go. i couldn't overcome all the bad that i was left with.

and i'm not saying that i still have this unhealthy attachment to that guy. it's got absolutely nothing to do with him at all. that ended when it ended. the letting go part is about the slime. all the negative stuff it left me with. that rotten feeling it left inside me. the hole. the absolute betrayal.

those years seem so far behind me now. and the life i live now is so different and so happy and those old years, i can hardly remember them. no, really. they are dissolving every day, and i am so, so glad, because it's making it easier. easier to let go. 

so, i wouldn't say i'm there yet. but it gets easier every day. and my dear sweet husband? oh my goodness, does he love me. he gets it. and i never thought he would. i never expected him to, and i understood exactly why he wouldn't. and why he shouldn't have to. i always felt so guilty for having this problem for being so emotionally and mentally unstable and for getting in these ruts sometimes. i called it baggage. but he gets it. he relates to me, with his own similar experiences. he understands and he's patient and he's supportive and he's taken on this challenge of letting go and he's made it ours. and he helps me every day. and he makes it so easy. i could do anything with this man at my side. anything. 

he's helped me gain back so much more confidence. so much more trust. he fixed it :)

letting go isn't an easy thing to do. under any circumstance and for any reason, but when you have someone else on your team, it sure helps. devin, i love you! you are the greatest.

whoooo! that got pretty deep. moving on...!

Boulder Mountain 2013: 2 Year Anniversary

Wahoo! Our anniversary finally came! Like I already explained, we decided we needed a good old fashioned camping trip this year, and that's exactly what we got! On Thursday, after we had finished up climbing, we dropped Cooper off at devin's parent's so Brandon could come get him when he was off work. It was so hard to leave him behind! We knew he was in good hands, though! We also knew it would make for a more relaxing trip to not have to stress and worry about Coop the whole time. So, we were off!

D A Y 1 / /

We woke up pretty early Friday morning and basically jumped in the car and left. We had gotten everything together the night before, just for that reason. The drive went by pretty fast and we (well, just me. Devin listened) watched a movie on the way down, too. 

 

We stopped in Torrey for gas and lunch. It's the last town before the turn off for Boulder Mountain, and we pulled right into this little place called Slackers for some burgers and fries. This corvette was parked out front and I couldn't help myself from snapping a photo - it fit right in! The food was delicious, and the soft serve was even better. We were anxious to get up the mountain and find a camping spot, though! 

Since neither of us were too familiar with the area, we were mostly winging it. We didn't want to be in a campground and we wanted some privacy from other campers, too. We were also trying to avoid the big RV's because we didn't want to put up with generator's going all night and day! The first place we pulled into was really nice, but there was a lot of open space and it looked like it would get full really fast, so we kept looking. After about 2 hours of driving around, up Hell's Backbone Road and Burr Trail, we ended up back at the first spot we had considered, on the mountain. We figured if we just went back a little further then someone would dare tow a trailer, we'd be good - and we were right! It took a bit of maneuvering on Devin's part to dodge all the rocks in the road, but we made it with plenty of sunlight left to set up camp! 

 

This was the first chance we've had to set up the screen tent we bought about a year and a half ago and we were both nervous that it would be really complicated and too big, but it ended up being really simple, and the size it great! The screen tent is so nice for staying out of the sun and out of bugs, although we didn't have any bug problems on this trip. We got started on dinner right away, and ended the night with some much anticipated s'mores! We spent a lot of time around the campfire on this trip, and that resulted in a lot of s'mores experimenting - which you really can't go wrong with!

 

D A Y 2 / /

We woke up pretty early on Saturday morning naturally so we got up and made some breakfast. We're still learning how to cook on our stove, so it made for some burned bacon, but we got enough food in our system to head over to Capitol Reef for some hiking! The weather was beautiful, and we seemed to have gotten in there pretty early, seeing as how we were expecting a huge crowd for the holiday weekend! We decided to do a hike up to The Tanks - they are these huge natural water tanks, and they were really pretty but hard to get good photos of! There were lizards everywhere, and I learned how much I don't like hiking in sand! We started passing a lot of people on our way back from the hike, so we knew we had beat the crowd! We headed over to the visitor's center and bought some famous Capitol Reef salsa! 

We spent a lot of time looking for a good print to take home, since we started collecting them on trips last year (so far we've got jackson hole and cedar breaks prints), but we were having no luck! On our way back to camp, we stopped in Torrey again and checked every gift shop, trading post and art gallery and still nothing! We stopped for dinner at a restaurant across the street from Slacker's (where we stopped for lunch the day before) called Red Cliff Grill - now, I don't know if we were just totally starved, but we both had such amazing meals! I ordered a burger and Devin got a personal pizza and we both polished off our food in no time. I love small town diners and restaurants like that - they always make the best food! 

We got back to camp with a few hours of sunlight to spare, so we cleaned up around camp, gathered firewood and built a massive fire, and stayed out as late as we could. We slept so well on our air mattress and never got cold, which is something I was a little worried about, being only May. We were also lucky enough to be there during the full moon! It was huge and bright and beautiful this night.

 

D A Y 3 / / 

Sunday! Our actual anniversary! We had much better luck with our breakfast cooking this morning and once we finished our pancakes (story: we realized while we were in capitol reef that we had forgotten syrup when we saw some in the little store there. we picked some novelty peach syrup and as we were walking to the car with the syrup and some creamed honey (so yummy!), Devin realizes that the syrup says "made in Orem, UT" our hometown! haha oh well, it was delicious anyway!), we drove down to Escalante. We stopped on our drive over to admire the view of the Grand Staircase National Monument - it's absolutely gorgeous out there! Next, we headed down to the Calf Creek trail head and took off! I was so excited for this hike, and had a lot of energy starting out - I should have paced myself better because I didn't realize how long the hike was! It was pretty hot outside and there was much more sand to hike through this time, but we made it! And it was so worth it! The falls were so beautiful and we even got to watch a few guys rappel down the waterfall! Of course Devin had to go up to them as they were packing their gear up and ask them about it, and now he's convinced he will do it some day! We stayed at the falls for awhile and Devin was brave enough to jump in and swim! We had some snacks and then headed back out before the falls were covered in shade. We definitely got there at the right time to have it in the full sun for awhile! I was sort of a wimp on this hike, but I'm still glad I did it! My calves are still sore, and because we forgot sunscreen, we got burned really bad on the hike out! Me more than Devin, or course! We also began to realize pretty quickly that we did NOT pack enough water. On our drive back to Boulder, Devin had to pull over because I thought I would throw up and we both felt really sick. Dehydration :(

We decided to look around for a place to eat dinner, and remembered seeing a few diners back in town. We went into one restaurant, pretty desperate for some water. We sat down for about 15 minutes and nobody even acknowledged us. They weren't even that busy! It was awful, so we got up and left! The other place was closed, so we tried one last place, and luckily they were open! I drank so much water sitting there after we ordered our food, which in retrospect, probably made me more sick, but the food was good and it gave us the energy we needed for the rest of the evening! We got back to camp in the early evening and just tried to relax. Devin gathered more firewood and goofed around while I sat and sipped some water. Ugh, I felt so sick! I felt bad that I was being such a poor sport, but that sweet husband of mine was very understanding.

We got a big fire going early so we would have good coals for our tinfoil dinners - they turned out so delicious! We ate a bunch more s'mores, and ended the night with a movie on the laptop in the tent. It was perfect! 

On Monday morning, we let ourselves sleep in a little bit before getting up to pack everything and head home. I was feeling worse, so it took us a little longer to get everything together, but once we got in the car, the drive seemed to go by pretty fast! We got home around 2:30 and had a few hours to unpack and shower, and around 5:30, we left for Park City to pick up our puppy! We met Brandon at a grocery store and Cooper was so excited to see us! I was so happy to have my little buddy back. We missed him so much and talked about him the whole trip, cooper would love this! - cooper would have had so much fun here! - it's too bad coop couldn't have come with us here, he would have loved it! He was so exhausted and so dirty - it was obvious that he had a great time with Riley, Koda and Bodie! We brought Brandon some Capitol Reef salsa for watching him for us and decided to stick around once he said he was going to be cooking some dinner! We headed up to this massive, gorgeous house in downtown PC and joined some other friends for some grilling! Whenever Brandon cooks, you just don't ask questions. Whatever it is, it's going to be delicious. And you're going to eat all of it, and talk about it for the rest of your life, because it's just that good. His burgers didn't disappoint! We had a lot of fun, as always with Brandon and his friends, but took off once we finished our food, because we needed to get home and get some rest! 

Trip success.