the hundred year week

Oooh my goodness. It has been forever. Last night Devin told me that he keeps going to my blog to see if I'd written anything and was surprised I'd gone this long without a post! Well let me tell you why... 

The last week literally seemed like one hundred years. Are you ready for a sob story? Because you're going to get one. Like, a big fat one. Except, now I'm at the point where I can laugh about it all, thank goodness.

Here's how it went: well, actually no. Let's back up a little bit. 

Remember how... recently (I don't remember how long ago this was) - cooper had eaten an entire prescription? Spoiler alert: it was birth control. A brand new, only one pill had been taken, $90 birth control prescription to be exact. I was mostly worried about my dog and what could happen to him (which is nothing, in case your dog ever gets a hold of your pills, they will be just fine. learned that the scary way...), but I was also flaming angry at the little stinker for wasting my $90 and all my crazy pills. 

Except that this frustrating situation ended up being a massive blessing in disguise. You see, about two and a half years ago, I started the pill. I was about to get married, so it's what you do, you know. Whatever. I went to a Women's Center and I loved the Doctor, but over those 2 years of being their patient, I never saw or spoke to them again. I would call with a question and be told "we'll have a nurse call you back" -- never once got a call back. LAME. I also went through all hell and high water to get my prescription refilled after my two years were up. It was such a huge pain, SO when cooper ate those pills, I took it as an opportunity to 1: find a new doctor (I already had one in mind that everyone loves) and 2: get some cheaper pills because NINETY DOLLARS is just too much. WAY too much. 

So I did just that. I had to wait about 2 weeks to get an appointment with my new doctor (who I love and is awesome), but when I did, I told her that I had only been to a gynecologist the one time, and had only had simple exams. Do you know what that means? SURPRISE pap smear. And I know that's probably WAY TOO TMI, but it's all part of the story. I wasn't too bothered by that.. procedure... it wasn't bad at all. While she was at it? We did a breast exam. Why not?! 

Except here's the bad part: she found a lump. Cue my heart sinking in my chest while simultaneously not really being able to process everything but still being surprisingly coherent. She asked me a bunch of questions and we left on this weird "it's probably nothing, but i'm sending an order to the hospital and you're going to get an ultrasound AAASSSSAAAAPPP" note. 

That was last Tuesday. And that was day 1 of the 100 year week.

I spent the entire rest of the week maybe only 50% mentally present in anything. I didn't exactly know what to do or how to feel. I mean, I was just told that I have this major issue, that might not be a major issue, but we don't know anything yet, so "don't freak out it's probably nothing". Which is NOT too comforting. 

I did a lot of research on breast cancer, which only scared me more. I worried a lot. I cried a lot. I repeated a million times over in my head "it's probably nothing, it's probably nothing". 

And then Tuesday finally came. Yesterday. At this point, I was almost excited for the appointment, because I wanted answers that badly. I got a pretty good one, too! The radiologist said that from what they can see on the ultrasound, the lump just seemed to be dense tissue really close to the surface. He said that it wasn't anything alarming at all, but to pay attention and keep an eye on it, because there is always potential for that to change. 

CLEAR! I was so happy. So relieved. I mean, there's still a small chance that in the future, I could have a problem (that will most likely not be breast cancer, thank goodness), but for right now, I have nothing to worry about! 

I posted something on instagram about it and was so surprised by the response from my friends (we had kept this between just us, our parents, and a few other family members during those hundred years) - a lot of them had had a similar experience! i had no idea how common it was, and it made me feel a little silly for taking it so seriously and being SO worried (i was such a wreck, guys. like, major.) - but it IS serious, so still. but anyway. 

that's where i've been. 

i have SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON now that i'm over being half-katie/half-nervoussobbinganxious-wreck, so probably expect wayyyy too many posts in the next few days after i can get some photos uploaded from my phone and camera. 

FWEW. 

i get by with a little help from my friends

these past few days have been emotionally exhausting. i don't want to get into the details, but it has been a challenge. i have found that it's in these moments where i feel like i have surely failed that it is made clear to me what really matters in my life and who it is that i can truly count on. 

i'm so thankful for understanding coworkers. i had a conversation with a customer yesterday who was just awful. i had never felt so disrespected, and i expected the shop full of men to tell me to get over it toughen up. i am so grateful to have 20 men in my shop who all feel like protective older brothers. they are supportive and always have my back. they really have become family to me. without them, i would never be able to enjoy my job.

i am thankful for my father, who took care to notice that devin was feeling a little off in class this morning, and took time out of his busy schedule to talk to him and make him feel validated. i'm so thankful for the relationship i have with my dad and the friendship we have developed as i have matured. i am so grateful for the lessons he has taught me and the advice he so readily gives. i'm so thankful for the relationship he has built with my husband. it means the world to me that my dad and husband respect each other and have very quickly become true friends. 

i'm so thankful for thoughtful friends and family who have taken a minute to make sure i'm okay. to remind me they are here, and to tell me they love me. a text message is such a tiny thing, but makes a huge difference in my day, and i received so many sweet thoughts yesterday and today.

i am most thankful for my fearless husband. he truly is my rock. i am so glad we have a strong marriage and are able to face things together. he makes everything easier and so fully takes on the role of my other half. he is so incredible and does so, so much - i want to be more like him. 

this isn't the end of the world. it's not the end of anything. our problems seem so tiny to me in the scheme of things, but that doesn't mean we don't feel stressed and overwhelmed and scared and vulnerable. i am so confident in our ability to work together, and it has been reaffirmed to me time after time that what we are doing is right. it's okay. and it's not supposed to be easy. and it will get better. so don't freak out, guys. we are good. i have almost started to relish in our trials, because i love love love coming out on top. and we always do. i love how much stronger we get, and how much closer we become, and how much clearer we can see when we do the right thing and overcome our struggles. i love feeling the weight of a challenge lifted from my shoulders and the relief that comes with knowing it's over. it is worth it to me to learn those lessons and make those changes, because it only makes us better.

easter weekend

f r i d a y / /

amanda and jason had come down on wednesday with the kids and with work and school, we weren't able to see them yet, so as soon as we got home from work on friday, we went straight to see them (right after we stopped for an ice cream cone. because it had been one of those weeks...). we played with the babies all night and had delicious salmon for dinner. those kids are hilarious. they crack me up! they thought devin and i were ridiculous for not knowing what minecraft was, and Addi insisted on dancing to gangnam style for most of the night. we had plans to watch lincoln, but it got too late and we headed home.

s a t u r d a y / /

devin had to work saturday morning so i headed to the gym, then came home and did some cleaning. i also made more macarons for easter dinner: vanilla with nutella filling and chocolate with marshmallow filling (those were a hit!), then i wrapped addison's birthday present and put together some little easter baskets for my nieces and nephews (can i just say how happy i am that i have plural nephews now?! i love it. the best kids ever!). when devin got home, i gave him his easter basket (conductive fingertip gloves you can use with touch phones and TONS of candy) and he came home with a present for me, too! he had found a little boutique and went inside because he thought i would love the dress in the window. he came home with two really cute shirts he had picked out for me. i love them! he knows me so well :) they were the wrong size, so we ran back to the store to exchange them but they didn't have the sizes i needed so we got a different shirt and a skirt instead. he's the sweetest. when we got home (oh by the way, devin got stung by a WASP this afternoon! a little scary, but he's okay) we got ready really fast and met up with kayla and kyle in draper so we could all go up to OGDEN. kelli and sean just bought a house in ogden so we decided to have a big johnson sibling sleepover while our parents were in wendover. it was so much fun. we got up there, got a tour of their cute house (they have already done so much work on it and it looks incredible!) and then went out to dinner at a little diner with the best french fries ever! after that, we went to the store and got tons of snacks and junk food and set up all our mattresses and pads and pillows in the living with two TVs and the boys played video games while the girls watched chick flicks. we took cooper with us and he and zero played ALL NIGHT. they wrestled and played literally the entire time we were there. cooper got NO SLEEP and it was so obvious the next day. he was so tired it was hilarious! i'd never seen him like that. hopefully he learned his lesson :)

 

s u n d a y / /

we woke up pretty early and sat around and played games for a few hours and then went out to breakfast. turns out easter is a pretty popular holiday for going out to breakfast! it was hard to find an open restaurant and once we did, the wait was long, but the food was delicious and it was worth it. (we had to eat out because kelli and sean don't have a functioning kitchen yet). we all got a kick out of how fast kyle ate his food. he had literally cleared his plate of 2 pieces of french toast, 2 eggs and 2 pieces of sausage before everyone at the table had their food. and then he finished everyone else's food! he's bottomless, i swear! we all headed home after that and devin and i pretty much went straight down to his parents for some easter celebrating. we gave addi her birthday present (her birthday was saturday) which was a Tangled dress-up dress and she loved it! she had gotten the Brave dress-up dress from her grandma earlier that day, so she was in toddler heaven! we ate dinner and then did a big easter egg hunt with the kids and i took the fancy camera for some more practice. (learning how to use that big fancy nikon is sure frustrating!). we were so exhausted after the busy weekend that we pretty much went straight home after that and caught up on some tv shows and went to bed.

m o n d a y / /

monday counts as part of the weekend because we both worked short days becaaaaauuuusssee Kyle and Jami got MARRIED!!!! we've been good friends with kyle and jami for years and were so excited when they got engaged! they had hired their good friend to fly out from new york to take their wedding photos, and last week, all of his camera equipment was stolen out of his apartment! (worst news EVER when his JOB was photography!) they asked devin to step in at the last second, and i trailed faithfully behind like the good assistant i am. i was so excited to finally go to a wedding that we weren't working, but i guess we'll still have to wait for that! the ceremony was beautiful and it was a lot of fun to see and catch up with good friends.

   

the very greatest

i realized this morning that we're less than 3 months from our 2 year anniversary, and that got me thinking a lot about marriage and family, and the amazing family i married into, my sisters in particular. chloe and amanda are the very greatest sisters in law in the entire world. i don't know what i'd do without them. they are both always so, so willing to talk and give advice and help and do whatever. always. never once have they turned me down for that. they have become real life sisters for me, and i am so lucky. life has been SO CRAZY lately. i feel like we can barely sit down to catch our breath, and i haven't been able to spend hardly any time with them, and i hope they understand! i know they will, because they are amazing and forgiving and can probably expect treats, or at least drinks from me next time i see them :)

chloe is hilarious. she has the best sense of humor and is so much more talented then i think she will ever realize. she is so humble and gracious, and never thinks twice about helping someone. she is more athletic then she thinks (since she is a softball champion, but would never tell you so), she is so creative (she has turned her house into the cutest home i've ever seen), and she is an incredible mother to her new baby benjamin. whenever we have family dinner and everyone gets assigned to bring something, everyone always asks chloe to bring dessert, because she makes the most delicious treats ever! she always makes something new and different, and it is always good! she's the type of person who will hear that you're sick, and bring you your favorite soup from zuppas, even though she is more sick than you (it's true, because it's happened to me). and she's a total babe. she's got the whole girl version of tall dark and handsome going on. she's the most kind, generous and thoughtful person i've probably ever met in my life and being around her makes me feel better. i want to be like that. i want people to leave me feeling better. i think that is awesome.

and amanda. amanda is supermom. like, straight out of the dictionary supermom. she makes incredible food and has an awesome recipe for pretty much everything (i call her every time i need a recipe, and she has a delicious one, every time, without fail). she loves her kids to a fault, and would do absolutely anything for them. she is a total mama bear when it comes to her kids, and it is so cool to see how much she loves them. she owns her own business and is incredibly successful. that business showcases how crafty she is. she has the cutest ideas, and is so talented with everything. she is so organized - she has a system and a plan for everything, and it works! she knows all the tricks and tips and remedies for stains and colds and cleaning. (supermom, i tell ya!) and she is her husband's number one fan. seeing her dedication and willingness to stand behind jason through everything they have gone through is absolutely inspiring. she's never hesitated to back him up with whatever he goes through or wants to do or be, and she works hard to make things happen for him (and he does the same for her). life has put amanda through just about everything, and she has still come out on top. she is gorgeous and productive and doesn't stop until everything is how she wants it. she's the opposite of lazy. if i'm half the woman amanda is when i become a mom, i know i'll have made it.

i don't think you realize that when you get married, you aren't just marrying that one person, but you are marrying their entire family, and making them your own. i have felt like an ashby from day one, and i don't just have parents and siblings in law, but best friends. it's even better when you marry into a family full of people that make you a better person, and make you want to be ever better. i love you guys!!! i'm so lucky to be your sister and i want to see you soon!

all these little things

// letting me park my car in the garage in the winter, because it's warmer

// doing the dishes without saying a word

// taking me out to lunch on a week day

// staying within arm's reach to answer my every beck and call when i feel even the tiniest bit sick

// replying to whatever i say with office quotes on a regular basis

// cooking with me

// never failing to kiss me before bed, even if that means getting uncomfortable just to twist around for a quick peck

// the way you smile at me in the mirror while we're both getting ready in the morning

// when you tell me you miss me

// letting me get donuts at the grocery store

// giving me fashion advice

// praying with me, and for me

mr ashby, i'm in love with you. and all these little things. 

i'm glad you're my valentine.

it's been a good day

I feel like a lot of my good days lately are the result of feeling truly content with where I am in my life. It's been an ongoing struggle since forever, so when I finally feel like I'm right where I need to be, yes, it's a good day.

Maybe it's a little silly, but ever since that beautiful baby boy was born and I officially became an aunt x4, I've been very grateful and humbled and things just seem more important. That little Benny has brought our whole family a lot of blessings. We are all so glad he is here safe and healthy, and that he's as happy and beautiful as we had hoped. Getting a glimpse of motherhood, and just how precious those tiny humans are makes me realize how important life is. And how important it is for me to live my life the right way, right now. I'm not quite ready to me a mama yet, but watching my brother and sister in law figure out parenting and holding that sweet little Blue sure gets me excited about it.

My feelings of contentment usually come in the moments that I'm not doing anything but watching funny sitcoms on the couch with my husband and snugly, sleepy dog, eating brownies and ice cream. I'm glad it can be that simple, and this probably sounds even sillier, because I know, I know. Cooper is a dog. But, sometimes, people say puppies are like babies. And then sometimes I will compare my dog to my friends' kids and I sound and feel ridiculous, but he's as much a part of our little family as any child ever will be, and gosh darn it, I love that little guy. He's the greatest dog, and always so sweet. He makes being a dog mama pretty easy, and maybe it gives me an idea of what an actual baby will be like, in some ways. But I love it. I love spending our Sunday afternoon in the wind and snow with numb toes, just because cooper's in the middle of a major wrestling match with the german short hair at the dog park, and if we throw the ball just a few more times, I'm sure he'll be worn out and sleep while we get things done around the house. And I love tripping over him a hundred times a day, because he wants to be wherever I am. And I love sharing a blanket and a piece of toast with him. He's our little buddy, and honestly? One of the best friends I've ever had. He makes our life pretty grand over. here.

And I love that there is this wonderful man that goes out into the world each day, and he thinks about me. He works and lives a life I don't see much of, but he always comes back to me. He comes home to me. I love that. I love that sweet man I married more than anything in the world and I'm not sure any of the greatness that's been going on lately would be half as enjoyable without him around to share it with. We've made a pretty happy life for ourselves and I wouldn't trade it for a second. So, yes. It's been a good day. (The fact that it's a Monday aside...)