and i move on.

  

photo i took of the tetons in may 2012

it's these days in the dead of winter that are longer and have more daylight that i find my life coming into real perspective.

i don't have much else to focus on, since the below-freezing temperatures give limited options in every category of everything.

but i've realized that when you catch a glimpse of just how big this world really is, and just how small you really are in comparison, life gets better.

i'm just one of these 6.5 billion specs, scattered across this beautiful earth.

and for some reason, when i realize just how small, how minute, how microscopic i really am, in the scheme of things... i feel better.

there are bigger problems.

my struggles are not the end-all.

and things aren't so bad.

things are actually really amazing.

miracles, sometimes.

and i move on.

northbound

life has been discouraging lately. i feel like devin and i are still scrambling, trying to figure it out. we keep making changes: our cars, our schooling, our jobs, our priorities, and it's obviously far from over, as i am on the job search once again!

i love the company i work for and have nothing but good things to say about them, but when it doesn't feel right, i know that means it's time for something else.

devin and i are looking to move further north anyway, to eliminate commuting, so there are several reasons for leaving Myler.

i'm excited to move, and it's all i can think about whenever i spill on our carpeted kitchen floor (which we can't stand!), or find, yet another spider in the tub, welcoming me to my morning shower.

we were both raised in Orem, and love it here, but it's beginning to feel a little claustrophobic. we want to be more private and independent, and we see that freedom just a few minutes up the freeway.

we still haven't found an apartment, but when we do, our first purchase will be a puppy. even though i know devin will try putting it off for awhile, he won't have much luck, seeing as how a dog is becoming less of a want and more of a need in my eyes lately. no news on jobs yet either. but we aren't in a situation yet where it's totally necessary to find something new. the point is to just be happier, and figure out what feels right, but knowing that the near future holds a fresh start for us, with more room to grow and progress, makes my days bearable. i just wish it would come sooner, of course.

we are ready for a change. we feel this need to grow up a little bit, and once again, like all the other major changes we've made in the last year or so, it feels right.

changed used to be something i shied away from, but now that i have my wonderful husband by my side to rely on, i welcome anything, knowing we can handle it together. because we totally can.

so excuse us for looking like we have no clue what we're doing lately - but that's because we're still trying to figure it out! we're just doing what we know it right, every time a circumstance changes. and we're okay with that. 

The Best Of: 2011

originally, i had made this big, long, categorized list of my favorite things in 2011. but now i decided I'd just share a few. all things 2011. and it's still a long list... sorry! they aren't in any specific order, either. 

As far as entertainment and the world go? 

PJ 20 came out. The Pearl Jam documentary celebrating the band's 20th anniversary. I have always been a fan of peal jam, but in 2011, I became fully converted to the awesome that is Eddie Vedder. He is a crazy man. But I am sure a fan. Now if only I can think of a clever pearl-jam related dog name for a future pup. 

MODERN FAMILY, NEW GIRL, THE VOICE, and THE BIG BAND THEORY all became instant favorites. Thank goodness for DVR and Netflix, otherwise we wouldn't be able to keep our obsession so consistent. I'm surprised with how many great shows have come out lately. And I may even admit to liking some of Devin's other favorites like Sons of Guns and Gold Diggers (or whatever it's called...)

9/11 10th ANNIVERSARY. I can't believe it's been 10 years since 9/11. I can't believe it's been 10 years, and we're still fighting this war. It was a huge milestone for this country, I think. As much hurt and tragedy as 9/11 was, I think it did a lot of good for the unity of us as citizens. I know that personally, my patriotism is on a whole new level after seeing the United States' reaction to the attack. I am so proud to be an American and am ever-grateful for the men and women that fight for us.

THE ROYAL WEDDING. Does this even need an explanation? Kate Middleton is so iconic. She is definitely royal material. And what girl doesn't gush over such an extravagant ceremony?! Remember that dress?

TEMPLE ANNOUNCEMENTS. Provo Tabernacle? What an awesome way to restore the building that has meant so much to the city of Provo! It is going to be beautiful. I can't believe how lucky I am to be surrounded by temples. To have an option of which one to attend. There is nowhere else in the world that has that privilege. And Paris? I have always dreamed of going to Paris. Devin told me we would go some day. After they announced the Paris Temple, I told him we couldn't go until after it was built! Can you imagine how beautiful it will be? I don't remember the other temples announced this year, but I love when the Prophet announces temples. It just means that there is a higher demand for members to be doing this work and grow close to the Lord. It is such good news.

As far as us Ashby's lives? So many personal events in 2011. It was a HUGE year for Devin and I! 

ENGAGEMENT. (February 25) It meant the beginning of the rest of our lives! I answered the most important question of my life that night! We made a major decision to be married, and it will always be the best thing I ever did! 

KELLI AND SEAN GOT MARRIED (May 13). So happy for my sister. Love my new brother! They are so great together, and I love getting to know Sean and spending time with them. So glad Kelli and I got to do the whole wedding thing together.

KATIE RECEIVES ENDOWMENT. (May 19) One of the best nights of my life. I will never forget my first time through the temple. I am so glad Devin took me to the temple. I loved that our families were there. It meant so much to me to have everyone there. My testimony has grown exponentially since that night, and I love returning as often as we can.

DEVIN TURNED 24 (May 23) I always promise that I will keep his birthday and our anniversary two completely separate events. This was the first of his birthdays we celebrated together, and it was such a fun night! Bought a wii, built a fort, ate yummy La Jolla Groves and had Gourmandise Tiramisu! 

WEDDING. (May 26) Duh! Best day of my life! 

BUCKHORN. (July 8th-ish) Our first camping trip together. It was a total success! I am sure 2012 will hold many more camping trips, now that we have all the gear we need. Buckhorn was the perfect weekend though. One of my favorites! 

GREY'S. (July 31st-ish) Both of our families have had the exact same camping trip for 20+ years. This year, we got to combine a little. A camping trip probably doesn't seem like a big enough event to other people, but the fact that Devin and I both did this our whole lives made it that much more important the first time we got to do it together! 

KATIE TURNED 20 (August 3) Devin made my birthday a week long celebration and completely spoiled me! It was the first of my birthdays that we will celebrate together, too!

WE BOUGHT A TRUCK. (September 5) This was a huge! Our first major purchase, and it taught us a lot. I have been really impressed with Devin's financial knowledge, and that we were able to buy our truck! It has been a sacrifice in some places, but worth every thing it took to get it! We bought it on a total whim, but I don't think we'll ever regret it. I just wish we would have bought it sooner, so we could have had more time to play with it! Never in my life did I ever think I would buy something brand new. 

KATIE'S MANY JOBS. I started the year at Bath and Body Works, and around March, got a second job at StoresOnline after Devin and I got engaged. Once I realized BBW just wasn't worth the many hours and drama, I quit, and in July, got laid off, along with the rest of the department at SO. After 2 awful months of unemployment (I say awful because I am surprised I'm not insane after having so much free time. It was rough to just sit at home and very discouraging!), I have found huge blessings in being a Nanny. 2012 will bring even more job adventures, but I think I learned a lot of great things from all the jobs I had in 2011. 

NURSERY. We were in the ward for a few months before we got a calling, and we had already anticipated on being put in nursery, since that seems to be the trend with newlyweds (i think it's a hint, haha!) What we didn't expect, is that we would absolutely love it! It is seriously the easiest 2 hours of church I have ever sat through, and I love every single one of those kids in our class! We never know what to expect, but it's always a blast. Even though we get sick way more often than usual, and spend most of the block pulling apart 2-year-old fights, I love every minute of it. I wish I knew the adults in the ward better, but I love these kids! 

APT ADVENTURES. We have had all kinds of crazy go on in the last 7 months of living in my grandparents basement. (Relive those experiences here, here and here) We love it here though. Great neighbors, awesome location, we love the ward, and it's so nice and affordable. We won't leave until we buy a house (although I did try to talk Devin into looking for cheap, pet-friendly apartments once. I just really want a puppy!) I love being with family and my grandparents are awesome. They are the best landlords! 

ANTIQUE MALL. This year, my sister-in-law Chloe introduced me to the coolest place ever! We spent a LOT of time at the antique mall earlier this year, and I haven't been back in awhile (that will change!), but I loved making that discovery this year! The antique mall started a lot of other antique shopping, finding some awesome places, which lead to almost all of the inspiration for my wedding, and also most of the accessories I used.

CONCERTS. We went to a lot of really great concerts in 2011. For our wedding, my Grandpa gave us tickets to Stadium of Fire! What an awesome wedding present. There, we both found a love for Brad Paisley we didn't know we had! That guy can play some serious guitar. I am speechless when it comes to his talent and he is an incredible entertainer! We spent a lot of nights at the Rooftop Concert Series in Provo, seeing bands like Paul Jacobson and The Madison Arm, Fictionist, Sayde Price, Joshua James, and others perform (I can't say enough good things about all those bands!) and we also spent some time at the Velour. We went to an acoustic show of Cory Mon's. Cory and Devin have been friends for years and years, and I was finally able to come to a show! (Cory usually performs in venues that tend to be 21+). I have a huge respect for that guy. He is so talented, and a very good man. Wes Kirkpatrick played that show, too, and he is a new artist added to my list this year! Wes reminds me a lot of one of my favorites, Andrew Belle, which makes me like his music all the more! We also saw Imagine Dragons at Velour, and that is a show I will never forget! I love that Devin doesn't just have a love for music, he is truly passionate about it. I love all the stuff he has introduced me to, and I love that it's a big part of our days. 

We also discovered a lot of great places to eat in 2011. We love eating... haha!

THE CHEESEBURGER FACTORY. On our Grey's trip, Devin and I tried a place in Alpine, WY called The Cheeseburger Factory. Probably the best burger I've ever had ever. Amazing. We will definitely be eating there every time we go up! 

RED BARON. On that same Grey's trip, we stopped for lunch on our way home (I think we were in Afton, WY) at a place Devin's family usually eats at. It was delicious! I loved including that tradition of his in our trip. 

BRAZA EXPRESS. We tried that new brazillian grill in Provo and it was pretty good! We reeked of the place when we left, but the food was different in a good way, and we like it! Maybe we'll just get take out next time.


COMMUNAL. We may have discovered communal last year, but it is by far the best dining experience you can get in Utah Valley. Amazing food and service. I have been exposed to a world of food I had no idea even existed!


LA JOLLA GROVES. Quickly became one of our favorite restaurants. We haven't eaten there much (we should change that..!?) But it's definitely high on the list for a quality restaurant in Orem/Provo.

I'm sure there were others, I just don't remember! That's pretty much all the 2011 favorites I can think of, but they were all great! It was an awesome year, and I'm sure 2012 will be great too! I'm excited to see what will happen this next year. It could mean big things for us! I can't wait.

blogging

I know I have spent a lot of time lately talking about other blogs that I follow and love, but I can't help it! Just read another great post from Young People In Love. It was pretty much exactly what I needed!


Blogging has been a back and forth battle with me, and I'm glad I'm not the only one. I've always wanted this to be a strictly positive space, but I found out fast that that could never be the case. People tear you down. People are rude and don't respect your opinions, most of them, without even taking the chance to learn where you're coming from, or what your intentions are. They can be judgemental. Some people don't understand that they are just opinions, not to be taken personally. It's a rough thing to do. I'm still trying to figure out the core reason of why I blog. Why I spend so much time documenting my life, and sometimes even worrying over it. Should it really be that big of a deal to me? I like what Sam wrote in her post over at YPIL. It's good to know I'm not along in the blogger vs. blog battle.


But for the record... I'm not sure I'll change anything at this point. I like my blog. I like being able to write about my days, or the weird random things I find and love. I like sharing things in this way. It's a healthy outlet for creativity. I don't do it to please anyone, and I know i've said it before, but it really is just my way of documenting my life. It's important to me that these things get written down and shared. I've grown up with the teachings that "journaling" is important, and a good thing to do. Why I do it in a public forum for the whole world to read, I'm not sure. Makes it more interesting? I'm not even sure where I'm going with this anymore, so I'm just going to stop.


But it really was a great post. And I needed that. So thanks, Sam and Chas of Young People In Love, for saying it first!

powerful

One of my facebook friends shared a link to this article on buzzfeed.com called "The 45 Most Powerful Images Of 2011". Some of the photos depicted things I don't necessarily support or agree with, but you can't deny that they are all extremely compelling and dramatic photos, capturing important parts of history.

I want to share a few of my favorites, along with the captions posted with them on the original article (again, you can view the whole article here.)

What a year it's been! I think after seeing this article, it kind of came into perspective for me. A lot of major things happened this year. Tragedies. Successes. Violence. Acts of Kindness. What a world we live in. This article sums it up in a pretty straight forward way. I am so impressed with all the photographers that captured these intense, vivid images to share. Photos like this really make these things real, even when they are all happening far from home (for me at least).

Robert Peraza, who lost his son Robert David Peraza in 9/11, pauses at his son's name at the North Pool on the 9/11 Memorial. 

(Getty Images / Justin Lane)

Members of the national security team receive an update on the mission against Osama bin Laden in the Situation Room of the White House on May1. 

(Reuters / HANDOUT)

Two lights from the former site of the World Trade Centers shine for the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

(Reuters / GARY HERSHORN)

A monstrous dust storm (Haboob) roared through Phoenix, Arizona in July.

source: danbryant.com

A man sits in front of a destroyed apartment building following the Joplin, Missouri tornado. 

(Reuters)

Chile's Puyehue volcano erupts, causing air traffic cancellations across South America, New Zealand, Australia and forcing over 3,000 people to evacuate.

(Reuters)

Firefighters of Ladder Company 4 - which lost seven men on 9/11 - perched together on their aerial ladder, watching a news bulletin in Times Square declaring that Osama bin Laden was dead on May 2.

source: lens.blogs.nytimes.com

Slain Navy SEAL Jon Tumilson's dog "Hawkeye" lies next to his casket during the funeral services in Rockford, Iowa. Tumilson was one of 30 American soldiers killed in Afghanistan on August 6 when their helicopter was shot down during a mission to help fellow troops who had come under fire.

more ramblings + photo dump friday

i decided i like to blog this way. so you'll probably see more of these kinds of posts.

i've reached a point where if i go more than 3 days without seeing a spider in the house, I know i'm overdue. I constantly scan the walls and ceiling, shake out my clothes and shoes, and promptly move the bug killer to somewhere more accessible. I also make sure Devin is within yelling distance at all times.

I think I have classically conditioned myself by watching several episodes of the office in bed before we fall asleep. now, every time i see or think about it, i get tired and start yawning incessantly. (altoid, anyone?)

I realize that when i blog, I am randomly selective about what i do and don't capitalize. but i don't really care.

my side of the closet could probably eat Devin's side very easily, yet I still complain daily that I have nothing to wear.

why does my netflix choose not to work the moment i discover breakfast at tiffany's on instant play? this event was weeks ago. and it's been sitting on my instant queue forever now, but i still haven't watched it...

Devin's favorite episode of the office is "Safety Training" (season 3: episode 19), which has resulted in both of us having the entire 21 minutes and 21 seconds memorized. We watch it at least every other week.

sometimes, Devin and I quote ourselves. Because we're just that funny. especially devin.

did you ever realize that straws are good for your teeth? the up & up brand straw box says something about how straws help prevent acidic content of soda and other elements that are harmful to your enamel by reducing the contact between your teeth and the liquid. makes sense, right? but awesome. plus, straws are more fun. and allow even more laziness. i can now drink while laying down.

you know how children are always the sweet, innocent ne'er - do - wrong - er's? then why are the always the creepiest part of scary movies?

Devin and I will think of one comment or scene of the office (that is totally insignificant and unrelated to the plot of the episode), and go nuts until we find out what episode it's from. (usually thanks to google and strangely worded search phrases...) most recently? when dwight talk about how he could have been growing mushrooms and puts his hand practically on the floor to show how high they'd be by now. (season 6, episode 9: double date). Found that one out by luck.

I think our wedding was the only wedding ever to not serve chocolate covered strawberries at the reception. I feel like I let everyone down. and now i'm craving some. good think my cousin is getting married tomorrow.

it's the middle of november. we sleep with our window open, and still complain about being too hot. all other times of the day at home? we're FREEZING.

a few weeks ago, i asked devin if he knew his family's plans for christmas this year. he said he didn't know, and didn't want to ask, because then he'd be put in charge. my mom called me earlier this week, and after our conversation, i asked her if she knew what our family's plans were for christmas. she put me in charge.

we went to staples yesterday. i haven't been in there for years. i immediately started scanning the store for Dwight Shrute. Too much office? never...

ALSO. i realize i didn't do a photo dump last friday. that's because i had the day off of work, which usually meddles a little with how and when i blog, because it's not my normal, daily routine. so maybe i'll just have to do photo dump friday on the fridays i work. we'll see. anyway...

and surprise, surprise, they're all of c-train and aria. i didn't take hardly any pictures. these are all from the same time...

carter woke up from his nap wearing BOTH of his spiderman suits (he has the original and black ones). and when he took the black one off, he asked aria if she wanted to wear it. which of course, she did. they crack me up.

 

there is one other picture. from earlier today. carter is off on a play date with is friend, xander, and aria went down for a nap. she's been doing this thing lately where she will just randomly burst into tears, and it's not just normal crying. it's terrifying. it sounds like she is hurt or someone scared her. but she just says she wants her mommy or misses her mommy, and i try to explain to her that mommy's at work. she knows this. she's also been doing this thing lately where sometimes she won't take a nap unless i hold her until she falls asleep.

today was a combination of both. and there is something so peacefully satisfying about carrying a limp, fast asleep two year old up to her room and laying her in bed. she's adorable.

resolution

I'm learning to pick my battles. I'm learning to decide what's truly important. I'm learning to think things through rationally before I jump to conclusions. I'm taking my husband's advice more seriously. I'm doing what I can. I am looking for the positive and good in my days. I am appreciating the small things. I am reminding myself who's in charge. I am reminding myself to talk to Him more often. I am being very optimistic. I am going to make a few necessary changes. 

november

can hardly believe October is already over. it seems like that month always goes by too fast.


not minding the chilly weather one bit! it is definitely giving me the chance to use my awesome Patagonia birthday coat from Devin on a daily basis.


life has been too good to my lately. devin was sick for 2 days and stayed home from work, but he still managed to be the best husband of all time. my job has become so much more to me than just "work". 


I find myself missing Carter and Aria on the weekends, and when Devin wakes me up in the morning (because I never hear the alarm clock), and I'm all grumpy and feel like it can't possibly be 7, it must be 4:30, I just remember that I get to spend the day with those two, and I instantly become a morning person.


I love hearing Aria wake up from her nap (which she usually goes down for SO easily, it's a dream!). She will call my name, or I will just hear her playing with her toys. When she was in a crib, I would walk in to find her standing up with the biggest smile on her face, and she would start jumping up and down, so happy to see me, but now that she's in a big girl bed, she's taken to squealing and running to me to hug my legs when I open the door. How could that not make you smile? 


I love it when I leave the living room to go up to the kitchen to clean or grab something, and Aria is only a few steps behind. Following me, just because. And even better, when she holds her arms up and says "want Katie". Melts my heart!


I love hearing about Carter's day at school. He's a genius and I am so impressed with the kind of conversation I have been having with a 5-year-old over chicken nuggets and apple slices. He is so smart, and knows so much about so many things. 


It cracks me up when we all get a little rowdy and I find myself under a pile of ticklish children and pillows.


It's going to be a very depressing day when I have to leave here.


I'm so glad it's November. It means we are that much closer to Christmas! I started making our stockings last night, and I am so excited about it. I think I will have a lady in my parent's ward do some embroidery on them (the kind that you see all over high school on the kids' letterman jackets and cheerleading duffles.. she's actually the one that does all of that for MVHS, my old high school!). The fronts of them are quilted, and I already know this is going to be a challenge, but I also know that I gave myself so much time for a reason. I want them to be really good, because we'll probably have them for awhile!


This last weekend and the beginning of this week haven't been as exciting as I anticipated, but I'm glad for it. It's been nice to relax and have time to get reorganized. 


We spent Halloween at home with Ernie's and an oreo carmel apple from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. We knew we wouldn't have any trick-or-treaters since we live in a basement and our ward had done trunk-or-treat, but just in case, we dug 3 hershey bars out of the cupboard, that ended up being of no use. And we spent the beginning of the night watching Amityville Horror, circa 2005 (the one with Ryan Reynolds). We turned it off after he killed the dog, because it was obvious it would just get gruesome, and naturally, we opted for some Ghost Adventures instead! As much as I love that show, and love making fun of watch a tool Zak is, it's still not a good idea to watch it at night! 


Kayla also came over for a minute and showed us the photos she had just modeled in. My best friend, Valeri did Kayla's hair and make-up and Val's good friend, Clark (who was also her wedding photographer) took the photos. 


Speaking of Valeri, I am ECSTATIC for her pregnancy. She's the first of my friends to have a baby, and you can bet I'm gonna spoil the bejeezus out of that little baby! I love Valeri and Garrison, even all their weirdness that I poke fun at regularly, but in all honesty, they are truly going to be the most amazing parents. I wouldn't have it any other way than for them to start us all off and show us how parenting is done in 2012!


As for some other news, Devin's work has made some changes, and he has made some changes with his schedule, so he can have some time in his days for school (reaching a point where the classes he needs to take aren't offered online or at night), so it will be an interesting adjustment, but I know it will be worth it. I love the company Devin works for. They have been so great to him (to US), and are all wonderful people. 


Tonight is a grocery night. I love grocery night. It's weird, but I do! Devin and I always seem to have a really great time when we go to the grocery store. Mostly just because my husband is HILARIOUS, I think.

happy valley

I've reached a point where I'm afraid to like (or tell people I like), or do (or tell people i do) certain things, because here in the valley, absolutely everything has become a cliche. 


but doesn't that make me really cliche?... 


(sigh)


and i'm pretty sure that can be taken literally. everything from shoes to ice cream is cliche. being an individual is cliche, but so is being a follower/jumping on the bandwagon. it's unavoidable. 


maybe i'll just go buy some sperry's and listen to adele all day. 


i wish there was nothing wrong with that sentence. (no sarcasm, promise)

a list of thoughts and things while munchkins nap

i finished reading my book (another Emily Giffith novel) and have nothing left to do during the kids' nap time.


i've completely exhausted all social media


devin and i figured out that this year, christmas eve is saturday, christmas is sunday, and new years is also sunday. so he won't get any time off work! major bummer.


i'm really craving one of those lemon bars i made last night (they were a little rich for devin, but i loved it!)


i'm anxious to get home tonight. i've been continually adding to my to-do list for the hours that devin will be in class, and i'm afraid i'm going to start forgetting things.


i'm ready to get my iPhone. except i have to wait until april, when my contract with AT&T is up, and then i'm switching to sprint so devin and i can be on our own plan. too far.


a lot of things are too far. like devin's birthday (which always excites me for some reasons)


and our trip to new england. it's practically all i can think about lately. i can't wait to go.


brandon is in new england now and is basically doing everything on our list! 


excited for brandon to come home. whenever that will be. 


another exciting thing that's far away? my best friend Valeri Jones is due on April 12th! I am so 
excited for her and Garrison. they will be amazing parents. that little baby's got it GOOD.


can-hardly-stand-it-i'm-so-excited for christmas. (clearly, since i talk about it ALL THE TIME). it seems just as far away as april and may do at this point... bah.


excited to go grocery shopping tonight. (we have NO FOOD. our fridge is pathetic)


excited to attempt the weekly meal plan thing again. we're slowly getting better at this. it's also making grocery shopping better i think. i'm not buying random things. i'm buying the ingredients i need to make our dinners!


excited for the weather to cool down so i can stop wasting so much time taking my jacket off and putting it back on a million times a day.

I think I will stick to stalking you from afar...

I think I've opened the Twitter "join today for free!" page about 6 times in the last month. 

I'm tempted.

But I always talk myself out of it. 

What's the point? 

I don't even get how it works. 

I won't even have any followers. 

I'm not funny enough to tweet. 

Do I really need another life-sucking conniving vortex lulling me out of reality on a daily basis? Removing me further and further form society? (I'm hooked enough as it is).

And I figure... If I can talk myself out of it 6 times in a row? Then it's probably okay that I'm just not going to get one.

Plus also... I already have limited (but still totally useful) access to the twitter accounts of the people I care to read the tweets of when my heart desires to do so (ie: Danica, Chloe, Devin, mormongirlprobs, provoallstar, etc...).

changes

so many changes lately, it seems. 

once again, i've changed my blog. similar to something i had awhile ago. i like it, but i'm constantly looking for new ways to make it better. literally. so don't be surprised if i change it yet again! 

we are getting some seriously awesome fall weather lately. i was worried last week when it just up and snowed on us. afraid we were skipping fall all together, which would've been a shame, but the weather didn't let me down. and today has been a sunny, slightly-chilly thursday. and i love it. hopefully when i get the munchkins up from a nap, i'll be able to talk them into taking a walk around the neighborhood.

devin and i seem to be making constant changes to our house. always getting new things, moving things around, re-decorating, re-organizing. i'm pretty sure in the 5 months we've lived here, we've re-organized the kitchen about 7 times. we are always changing around what things go in which cupboards, because there's not nearly enough storage in the kitchen, even for just the 2 of us! it's working out though.

when i was younger, i used to fear change. especially in high school. change was never good then. i think that it's probably because i was in a stage in high school (and college) where every decision would have a pretty serious effect on me. like toward the end of my freshman year, my family had sold our house and were planning to move to heber. i had been attending cheer try-outs at wasatch high, and after maybe 3 nights, called it quits. i didn't like those girls. i didn't want to be at that school. lucky for me, my dad changed his mind at the last minute and apologized to the buyer and said we were keeping the house. fwew! that would've been a scary change. 

another major change? moving to st. george for a year. that was huge! just the other day, i was talking with my mom. my younger sister just had "college days" at school, and had firmly decided on attending dixie for 1 semester, just for the heck of it. when i heard this, i thought no way was my little sister moving to the other end of the state. she's way too young! and then i remembered... i did the exact same thing. and practically for the same reasons. sure, i was going into a program pretty seriously, but living in st. george seemed like a dream. and being on my own was exciting. but kayla? no way! too young. cant. right? wrong. she's actually older than i was at that time! so i asked my mom "how in the world did you let me do that? why did you let me move so far away?! and just trust me?!" i still don't know how she did that! it's crazy to see family and friends grow up and watch them go through things i had been through, and think "well, they're too young for that" when they really aren't.

anyway, moving down to dixie was a huge change. in the beginning, i was so happy about this change. it was a huge reality check for me, to really be completely relying on myself. i had to budget my own income, stay updated on my car's maintenance, buy my own groceries, get a job that supported me, and i was responsible for making myself attend all my classes, and get good grades. i'm impressed that i stayed so on top of it, and i feel like it made a big change in my maturity level. we all know that plan went south, but it was still a very needed learning experience for me, in a lot of ways. 

now? i accept change. and i'm starting to think that maybe it's because every time something changes, i know i'm not alone. i don't have to face my changes by myself anymore. devin and i are a team, and we do it all together. if it changes for him, it changes for me too, and visa-versa. it's so much easier to handle change, to welcome and accept it, when you have someone so great doing it with you!

so change is good. change is awesome! i feel more ready than ever to face change, head on. i feel like i've gained a new perspective. i can turn any kind of change into something positive, that will benefit me. something i can learn from, something i can gain, something i can achieve, or something i can improve on. i have a feeling like there will be some changes. dont know where or when, but i'm ready!

this family is too close to not take care of each other

sunday, for dinner, devin and i made cinnamon roll cake and guacamole and headed to my parents. my dad is out of town for work, but it was so much fun to spend the evening with my mom, younger sister and younger brother. i love my mom. she is truly amazing. she is the most influential woman in my life. she has taught me to work hard, to earn what i have, and to not take things for granted. she is the covergirl for patience and compassion. she makes the best enchiladas ever, and she is one of my very best friends. i am so glad that i live 5 minutes away. i can see her, and my family whenever i want, and the look on her face when we walk in the door is priceless. she loves so much spending time with devin and i. she loves having us over, and i am so grateful for everything she does for me, and for us. she is the best mother a girl could ask for.

and my siblings? couldn't ask for better. i was a little reluctant about getting married 2 weeks apart from my older sister, but it has been one of the biggest blessings. how many girls get to plan their weddings side by side with their sister? go wedding dress shopping, throwing different dressers over our changing rooms to take turn trying each other's choices on? we got to do it all together, and now we can continue to go through our lives in a similar stage, sharing our marriage joys and woes. it's been a huge help to confide and laugh with someone who knows exactly what i'm going through like nobody else ever will. the older we get, the closer we become, even though she lives far away. i would've never been caught dead saying this when i was little, but i am so lucky to have kelli as my older sister!

and kayla and kyle? they are a comedy show. every time i go to my parents, they are constantly making everyone laugh. kyle has become a football/baseball/basketball star, and is sailing through his first year in high school like a total champ! i love watching his games, and seeing his motivation and determination to be the best he can be at whatever he's doing. and it pays off! he is so young, and playing with the big guys. he's earned it.

kayla? she will never fail to make me laugh. just this week, she was home alone and saw a trespasser in the backyard looking really shady. she noticed him start coming up the back steps of our house and opened the door and said "DO YOU NEED SOMETHING?!" she's probably 110 pounds, and home alone! she kills me! hahaha she is getting ready to graduate and start college and she has become so ambitious, and her drive is getting more and more focused. she is going to do great things, i just know it.

i don't even want to get started on my dad! he has been and always will be my hero. nobody comes close to my dad. i have never looked up to anyone in the world with as much respect and admiration as i do my father. he has done and seen it all, and he is a better man for it. he has taught me virtually everything i know, and i will always be so grateful! i've been known to be a daddy's girl, and it's a label i will always proudly claim.

feeling pretty grateful for my awesome family, can you tell? let's keep it going...

one of the best things about marriage has been gaining a new family. the ashby family has been more than i ever could have asked for! mom and dad ashby are some of the most humble, charitable people i have ever met. they are the most hospitable people, and work so hard for what they have. i have so much respect for the way the live their lives, and the way the raised devin (and his siblings) to live his. he is the amazing man he is today because of his parents. and it shows! they are always thinking of others, and recent events are more than proven that. they are a true example of family. they know it comes first, and they will never let anything change that. it is so clearly the most important thing to them: the way it should be. it is so impressive. they are so close. just recently, Devin said to his mom, "this family is too close to not take care of each other" and that is exactly how it should be! 

i also just want to say how grateful i am for a brother and sister in law like the wagstaffs. jason and amanda are incredible. they, too, work so hard, and despite the trials they face, they keep a positive attitude, and are always striving to be better. i am amazed at the things amanda can accomplish. she is the beautiful mother of 3 adorable children, that i love so much! they are smart and funny and well-behaved kids. it's amazing! she runs an extremely successful business, completely by herself (see PRETTIES tab). she is so creative and crafty, and always has amazing ideas for everything. she's a little mrs-fix-it! which i wish i could be! and she is one of the best cooks i know! i love the wagstaffs so much! they are an amazing family, and i love that they're MY family!

i love my family. both johnsons and ashbys. they are the best thing about my life, and i am overjoyed to have them around forever! we've learned a valuable lesson this last week, and have had a very humbling experience. what i hope to always remember is that in the end, all you have is family, and it's all that matters. i love you guys!!!

valuable lessons i've learned this week:

in the end, all you have is family. and it's all that matters.

don't pay attention to the people who talk behind your back,  you know you're at least 2 steps ahead of them, and your life is more interesting than theirs.

getting something cool in the mail will cure this

feeling a little glum today.


not wanting to get into specifics.


i couldn't say it's the rain, because i'm not really swayed by the weather. and if anything, it's just relaxing.


i've done plenty of venting. last night and this morning.


vented to kylee about some things.


vented to devin about others.


between those 2, i'm basically always covered.


and venting now, to my sister. about all of it. and she's also the greatest.


it just helps to have my favorite people around when things aren't going the way i wish they would.


not saying that life sucks right now. because it doesn't. everything is actually going really well. just one of those days, i guess.


i am so lucky to have devin as my husband. i'd be such a mess without him.


things will get better.

teaching and learning

some things:

it's really hard to believe/trust little kids. they're great liars when they want to be.

it's awesome to have lots of friends get married after you, because you can give them the wedding presents you didn't want. like 1 of your 8 new muffin tins.

i actually enjoy my morning drive to work. sure, it's in rush hour traffic from orem to sandy, but it's really not that bad. my favorite part is the para-sailers on the point of the mountain. i get dangerously distracted by them,  but it makes me want to learn how! and i'm being totally serious. this is coming from the girl who's set on bungee jumping in the near to distant future.

the way the week looks:

nothing too exciting about this week. devin's not been feeling too hot, and he's had class and an unhealthy amount of homework. i've been doing my best to come up with new ideas for dinners, putting together crafty things for the munchkins, and cleaning. always cleaning.

we're really hoping that we can make it to the temple tomorrow. it's been far too long since we went. that's unacceptable! i have a feeling that maybe that's why we've been so off lately. we used to go together as often as we could, but life got so busy. i really shouldn't make excuses, because there are none. we'll go this week no matter what, how's that?!

thursday, kyle has a football game, and i'm anxious to go support him. again, hopefully we can go. so far our weekend is looking pretty open, and i'm happy about that. i think we need some time to just recuperate from how crazy everything's been lately.

munchkins have been especially difficult lately. i feel like i have a pretty high tolerance for kids being kids. i'm not going to get mad at them for being 5 and 2. that's just what they are. but when they stop being kids and start being pills, we've got to make some changes. nannying has been a HUGE learning experience in the short month that i've been here. I feel like I've learned more than I ever could have just babysitting or being a big sister or aunt. for 7 hours out of the day, i am 100% responsible for these kids. making sure they are fed and clean and happy and educated and entertained. it's a big job.

sometimes, when people ask me what i do for work, i want to tell them that i'm a part time mom. because that's virtually what it is. and even as a part time job, it's full time work! i sure love them though. i find myself missing them on the weekends or my days off, and i bring them up in conversations all the time. i love going home and telling devin about what carter accomplished or the funny things aria says. i'm positive they're teaching me more than i'm teaching them. it's all in a very good way though.

I know everything will be totally different with my own kids. They'll be different kids! But it's still been an eye-opening experience.

 

pantomime

look at this little beauty i stumbled upon today. no big deal. just my husband (before he was my husband) hanging out with imagine dragons' lead singer, Mr. Reynolds (before they were all famous). 2008-ish, i believe.

the awesome thing about devin's early love for the provo music scene is that he has become great friends with a lot of amazng, talented people, who have become huge! tyler glen of neon trees? brinton jones of the devil whale? joshua james? 

it pays to make friends, my friends.

i've noticed recently that a lot of people are picking up on imagine dragons. they're playing on the radio now! devin introduced me to them when we first started dating almost a year ago, and then their new album came out, and it made a big difference. 

i would say it bothers me. that i feel like i have some kind of territorial issue with other people liking music that i liked "first" -- but kuddos to the band, for making people notice. the more, the merrier :) 

thursday

things i noticed today:

1. zucchini grows like WEEDS around here. I feel like i'm offered a zucchini at least once a week. at least. i currently have 3 GIANT zucchini on my counter! i was going to make bread with it, until last week when devin said he didn't like zucchini bread. hmph. anybody want some zucchini? haha. i'll probably use them, but just to eat with dinner. i don't know what else i can do! lasagna?

2. people are so impatient about their car door getting unlocked. i am among those people. i can't even justify it. it's just seems that as soon as i'm at the car, i have this very sudden urge to sit down. like my legs just can't stand it any longer. and for some reason, i am almost positive that pulling on the handle a thousand times will make a difference. news flash: it won't. realistically speaking, it probably takes the drives roughly 5 seconds to unlock their own door and hit the unlock button, but those just happen to be 5 of the longest seconds of anybody's life.

3. my teeth are extremely sensitive. i've known this for a long time, but tonight it seemed worse than normal! my hot pizza hurt my front teeth! i usually just have a hard time with things like ice cream and ice water. but pizza? gimme a break!

4. i am completely baffled at the fact that Devin and I have been married almost 4 months, and are only just now buying Tums. He's a Tums guy.

TONIGHT: was absolutely great! Brandon came into town earlier than he planned (he's been in colorado making amazing food for awesome people at a ranch all summer), so we got to hang out with him for awhile. Devin showed brandon his new toys, namely the truck (who's had a sex change, by the way. apparently she's a he now.) and his computer, while I entertained the dogs! Is it weird that I legitimately missed my brother-in-law's dogs? They're just that awesome. Riley and Koda are rad dogs. There is simply no other way to put it. Riley even cold-nosed me TWICE. I think it was just to make up for all the ones we missed over the summer.

 

 A little later, we headed to Sean and Chloe's softball game. If i'm correct, they've gone undefeated, and are now playing in a double elimination tournament. They 10-run-ruled their opponents AGAIN tonight, which was awesome! Also, Devin's parents were there with Amanda, Makayla and Kaden. It was great to have a sort of impromptu family get together. Love those Ashby's!

Next, we headed to Slab for pizza with Sean, Chloe, Brandon, Chloe's Twin, Maddie. Chloe and Maddie's brother, Sam, and Sam's wife Sarah. Sam and Maddie play on the softball team with Sean and Chloe.. If you haven't ever been, you should go! It's pretty affordable, especially since you're getting 1/4 of a pizza...! I got BBQ Chicken and everybody else got Buffalo Wing. I'm such a baby with spicy food! It was so delicious though! Loved it. It was so fun to hang out with the Thomas group. They're all great.

Now, Devin and Brandon are in the office doing nerdy things that I don't understand. I think they're making it so Devin's computer can run Mac and Windows. It's all way over my head.

We have a REALLY busy next couple of weeks coming up! So many parties and plans coming up. It's going to be so fun, especially since a lot of it will be catching up with good friends we haven't been able to see in awhile (Banner, Harry, Danica, Ryan...). Devin's work party is next week, and that's sure to be entertaining... haha.

Tomorrow, I have work off (no munchkins :(...) but I plan on getting a lot done. Fingers crossed! Oh. and I have some projects to post tomorrow, hopefully.