day 31 / a vivid memory

HO-LY COW. Are you sick of me yet? Cause I'm sick of me. I promise to never again blog every day because I'll admit, it's a little bit annoying. But! I made it to the very end! With the exception of my trip, after this post, I will have successfully blogged every day in May! Some of these topics were really fun, and some really got me thinking. I liked being able to have a prompt like that. Maybe I'll just think of my own prompts and post them whenever I feel like it. We'll see. Anyway... today's topic, the very last one, is to write about a vivid memory, and this one has been on my mind a lot lately. It all started last week when a friend asked me, "when did you know you were in love with Devin?"

I know exactly when I knew.

Devin and I had been dating for about a month or two.We had seen each other every single day since our first date. For the most part, that was just because we wanted to. We loved being together. But then, once we realized we were making quite a streak, we made a bigger effort to never miss a day, which made for a lot of visits at work, and even more late nights. We were both working and going to school full time, and our schedules were often opposites, so a lot our dates were things like math homework or grocery shopping. That way, we could still see each other, and get everything done at the same time.

Most of our nights would be late, usually after I had gotten off work (I was working at Bath and Body Works at the time - thrilling, I know). I would go over to Devin's apartment he shared with 2 other roommates and we would make blueberry pancakes and bacon and drink V8 juice and watch TV. We were both hungry and needed to wind down, so it was the perfect combination.

So we did just that. I had helped Devin pick out a griddle a week or two earlier, and we had used it almost every night since for our pancakes and bacon! Breakfast for dinner was our favorite. We had gotten in the habit of eating dinner pretty late with this, and we still to this day, usually eat dinner between 7:00 and 8:00pm!

When we finished cooking our breakfast for dinner, we loaded up our plates and piled on the syrup and headed straight for the couch, like always. This relationship was still so new, but we had so much chemistry that it truly felt like we had been best friends for years and years. Being around Devin came very naturally for me, and I was comfortable around him from the beginning.

Devin began channel surfing and finally settled on House Hunters: International. I even remember the episode. I think they were in Panama. We leaned over our plates on the coffee table and half-watched while we talked about whatever between bites.

Then I set my plate down, leaned back on the couch, and took in this view of Devin sitting next to me, eating breakfast for dinner at 9:00pm, watching HGTV. And I realized right then that this was the rest of my life. That feelings was so weird and confirming and it just washed over me. It seems like such a small and silly moment. We were just doing our normal routine, like we had done for weeks before. There wasn't anything different about that night, except that feeling. I knew right then that the rest of my life would be spent eating breakfast for dinner, just a little later than acceptable, watching TV shows. With Devin.

And you know what? It's been about two and a half years since that night and not much has changed :)

Viola!

*also, i did have a great picture in mind to share on this post but i cannot find it anywhere... slash... i'm too lazy to really look for it... :) *

day 30 / letting go. or at least... trying to

today's topic is another sticky one. the prompt says, "react to this term: letting go" 

(insert biiiiig exhale here)

so, here's the thing. i had this whooooole other life before i met devin. and it's not something i like to bring up, and it's the main reason why i deleted over a year's worth of posts from the beginning of this blog. i dated someone very seriously for several years and it just ruined me. i mean, it really took a toll on my everything. i came away from those years so emotionally unstable. so mentally sick (i don't mean like evil sick, i mean like my mind had the flu.. haha) i couldn't trust. i had all of these horrible tendencies like jealousy and second guessing everything. i couldn't trust anyone. i had lost all self esteem. this guy had just ripped it all out of my hands. but he did it in such an awful, slimy, snake way. he was so manipulative and controlling and i saw right past it. i was so blind and it was so obvious and i feel like such an idiot about it all now. what a mistake it all was. why didn't i notice? why didn't i see that? he was so good at persuading  and lying and i believed every word he said. he could talk his way out of absolutely anything and he was so scary-good at lying. i watched him lie to everyone else in his life, but always had this sick idea that he was always telling me the truth. because i mattered. right? i was under the impression, at least. even after things ended, it was hard for me to come to terms with all of the truth that came out after the fact. it's still hard. i still struggle with it. it still keeps me up at night. i had endured so many horrible things, without even knowing it. it was just the worst. it ruined me. he was such an awful person to me, and i felt so defeated.

enter devin. and every part of my ruined self was fixed. almost instantly. i became a new person. i was confident again. i was happy. i was thriving. but it was still hard. and those slimy feelings would come back  sometimes in the beginning and i would doubt and i would second guess and i would pull away and i would build these walls and i would hate myself for it because i knew in my heart that i could trust devin and he never once had given me a reason not to, but i couldn't help myself. it was these slimy tendencies. these habits that had formed from all those years of being mistreated and taken advantage of. i just couldn't shake it. i couldn't let it go. i couldn't overcome all the bad that i was left with.

and i'm not saying that i still have this unhealthy attachment to that guy. it's got absolutely nothing to do with him at all. that ended when it ended. the letting go part is about the slime. all the negative stuff it left me with. that rotten feeling it left inside me. the hole. the absolute betrayal.

those years seem so far behind me now. and the life i live now is so different and so happy and those old years, i can hardly remember them. no, really. they are dissolving every day, and i am so, so glad, because it's making it easier. easier to let go. 

so, i wouldn't say i'm there yet. but it gets easier every day. and my dear sweet husband? oh my goodness, does he love me. he gets it. and i never thought he would. i never expected him to, and i understood exactly why he wouldn't. and why he shouldn't have to. i always felt so guilty for having this problem for being so emotionally and mentally unstable and for getting in these ruts sometimes. i called it baggage. but he gets it. he relates to me, with his own similar experiences. he understands and he's patient and he's supportive and he's taken on this challenge of letting go and he's made it ours. and he helps me every day. and he makes it so easy. i could do anything with this man at my side. anything. 

he's helped me gain back so much more confidence. so much more trust. he fixed it :)

letting go isn't an easy thing to do. under any circumstance and for any reason, but when you have someone else on your team, it sure helps. devin, i love you! you are the greatest.

whoooo! that got pretty deep. moving on...!

day 29 / soundtrack

almost done with this challenge! fwew! today i get to share five songs or pieces of music that speak to me or bring back memories. game on! i love this! it's hard to pick just 5 because music is a constant in our house, but i'll do my best!

1 / "Still" by Tim McGraw 

I've got a pretty special place in my heart for this man. I remember the first song I heard of his was "I like it, I love it" at my friend, Amy's 7th birthday party. I asked for the CD for my birthday a few weeks later, and I got his first Greatest Hits album from my grandpa and worshiped it. Then, in 2010, I went to see him in concert with my best friends, and holy cow, this man can entertain! I was so blown away, and will never forget that concert. He performed this song somewhere in the middle, and I think it's absolutely beautiful. No special meaning to me or anything, but man. Tim McGraw. 

2 / "Queen of the City" by Joshua James 

Okay. I know, I know. This music video is sort of dark and disturbing and creepy, but isn't it sort of brilliant at the same time? This video and this song is so very Joshua. He is a dear friend of my husband and having the pleasure of knowing this man is pretty neat. He is so talented and imaginative and creative and he is so unique. His style is so different from anything I've heard and I've been a big fan for a long time. I love this song so very much!

3 / "It's Raining" by Inara George

This song is just beautiful and simple and everyone deserves to hear it. I sort of forgot about it until now-ish. 

4 / "Call Your Girlfriend" by Lennon and Maisy Stella

I've posted this video before but ohmygosh these girls are the darn cutest things. I'm so obsessed with them, I think they are so incredible and should be more famous than lady gaga and that nicki minaj lady. and they're so little!!! obsessed. 

5 / "Jake & Jill" by Katie Herzig

Okay, I'll admit it: the first time I heard this song was on Pretty Little Liars. Pretty sure it's in the pilot episode. But that show plays great music! I knew about Katie Herzig because she's done some music with one of my old faves, Andrew Belle. This song is so gorgeous, but in sort of a creepy way, almost? Which makes me love it more. I just love it.  

day 28 / just photos

day 27 / a letter to you, reader

readers? are you there? i know you are because i see that you visit me here on this little blog, and i love you for it. i think it's pretty cool that you keep coming back. you must dig me! i don't think i ever realized how much blogging would come to mean to me. i really love it - most of the time. it's become such a positive thing for me, and it's been so cool to be involved in the blogging community. i have come to know so many great people that i probably wouldn't have known otherwise. so, thanks guys. thanks for sticking around and reading about my life - it's probably just because i have such a cute dog though, huh? it's pretty fun, this blogging thing.

day 26 / something i read online

this topic says to share an article or something i read online and discuss it if i want to. well, i don't want to. but i'll post more than one, so that will make up for it, right? 

it just gets stranger / snuggie texts. so either you have never read this blog post, or you have, but it's been awhile. either way, go read it. it is so hilarious. 

buzzfeed / pretty much most of the articles on buzzfeed are hilarious. here's one to get you started.

the chive / ahhh celebrity hybrid GIFs! you can't look away.

day 25 / something someone said that i'll never forget

do you remember the time i told you about how in college, i tripped over nothing and broke my foot? i got an aversion fracture and was in a boot for like, 10 weeks. it was awful, because i only lived about a block from campus, and walked to school every day. it was a little uphill, and that was never a problem until i was confined to crutches and a bulky boot for transportation! so it took me about twice as long to get to school, and i looked twice as embarrassing as usual. 

anyway. my roommates tied a little orange bow out of ribbon on my boot for me, and i left it there because it was cute and it made me feel better. i remember walking to class one day, being totally late because it's taking me forever to hobble up the sidewalk and i pass this kid who looked sort of nerdy and quiet and he just says to me, real quiet, "nice bow" and keeps walking.

made my day. 

i don't even know why. and i'm not even sure why i remember it so well. i am almost positive that i would recognize him if i ever saw him again and i would tell him this story and he would probably just get really big eyes and be all, "okay, crazy..." and we'd just end there. 

anyway... 

*these are so lame and boring because i'm zooming right through them and i am sick. i apologize!*

day 24 / your top 3 worst traits

i'm really not in the mood to take this one too seriously, and i'd also rather not spotlight my flaws so...

1: i'm really horrible at walking in high heels. i'm the kind of girl that you see walking into church in heels and you say to yourself, or probably your friend, "oh honey, if you don't know how to walk in heels, probably just don't wear them." - it takes talent! and i'm just not there. i can also barely make it through 3 hours of church in heels, so i rarely wear them. which is probably why i can't walk in them. maybe i just need some more practice? 

2: i'm really bad at knowing what to say and when to say it. and when not to say it. i should really get a handle on this whole "think before you speak" thing, because i have a tendency to make myself look really dumb sometimes, and worse, can offend people with this habit. it's pretty easy to do when i'm blogging, because i'm a fast typer and tend to ramble, and i also get really sloppy with editing and proof-reading (which you can thank for all my typos and grammatical errors. i was a journalism major once, i swear!). i'm not a mean or bad person and never intend to hurt feelings, but you really can't dodge every bullet, and you definitely can't please everyone, so it happens sometimes. i'm just sure it would happen less if i learned a little more self control.

3: i'm sort of selfish. example one: devin will come home and be all, "hey, i bought some new shorts today because i really needed some." - and he really did. and i will all of the sudden get this really irrational he got to shop, so i should get to shop, too attitude, and i will go overboard. and then i'll justify it and be like but i didn't buy a single thing that on it's own cost more than $10! and i will hear myself making these stupid justifications and i will know how stupid they are, and i will just keeping it going anyway! example two: i really super hate sharing devin. when he has to work a long day, or a saturday? the worst. and i sometimes even go on double dates a little begrudgingly, because i'd rather just have him to myself. that's sort of sweet and not possessive/crazy/scary at all, right? i'm working on it.

bonus awful traits: not photogenic (unphotogenic? photogenicless?), really, obnoxiously irritable / crybaby (a really dangerous and terrible combination) for 4 days each month, not a great cook, gets horrible anxiety about being late to things that don't matter and procrastinates. so.... double whammy. (also add: quotes "the office" and makes "the office" - related jokes regularly even though nobody will get it or understand it.) 

day 23 / things i've learned that school won't teach me

the list of life lessons i've learned outside of school is so ridiculously long, but i'm really sick and my poor sunburned skin could probably serve as a stove if we were in a bind, and my brain is totally, equally fried, so here are the first three i can think of:

budgeting / okay, so maybe they did teach us this. but i'm pretty sure my finance class was in 10th grade, which was a solid 4 or 5 years (too lazy to actually do that math right now) before any of what i learned in that class would have actually been beneficial to my adult life. and when it came to school, especially high school, i only retained that knowledge long enough to test on it, and forgot it almost immediately after. i was pretty talented that way. budgeting it hard. and it sucks.

grown-up language / and by this i mean, it would have been much more helpful for me to have a class in high school dedicated solely to learning how to translate/interpret/understand things like filing taxes, everything to do with insurance, and other grown-up, adult stuff like that, then to engrave in my brain the quadratic formula, put to the tune of pop goes the weasel, okay? 

the hard stuff / i don't think i could have learned in school how to deal with the hard, real-life stuff, but it would have been helpful. i'm talking about things like tragedy and death. betrayal and heart break. all that sticky stuff that's hard to talk about and hard to avoid. i also would have liked to learn to slow down. i was always in such a rush to grow up and be older and do those adult things that i now sometimes dread. it also would have been nice to at least have had a hint about devin coming and being amazing and being my husband beforehand. that would have made so many things so much easier.

i'd add a photo, just to make this a little less boring, but instead, i will just revert back to the first sentence of this post instead. i'm just really determined to finish this challenge, even though i missed a bunch of days while we were in boulder!

day 22 / a rant

today's topic for the blog every day in may challenge is to let it all out and rant about something.

so... i feel like i've got to be in the right mood to really rant about something. i've gotta be grumpy or annoyed or stressed, and i'm none of those things right now. okay, maybe a little grumpy since it's still early... but i'm just not in the mood to even really think about one thing that i could rant about. so here's a list of things that drive me absolutely crazy.

so i am a receptionist. i sit at the front desk of a body shop. on the counter of my desk is a big bowl of York peppermint patties that I keep stocked for customers. it's really not a big deal, or anything. but what i can't stand is when i am in the middle of a conversation with a customer and they are shoving these things in their mouths. while they're talking to me. grown adults. i get so much more annoyed than i should, but i just feel like adults should be a little more aware. just wait 30 more seconds until we're done talking, and you can have as many mints as you want. thank you.

speed limits. ooooh my goodness. i am such a psycho about speed limits. i drive fast. and most of the time, i drive exactly 9 over the speed limit, because that's basically as fast as you can go without getting pulled over most of time. and i don't mine if other people don't want to drive as fast as me. i don't blame them, they're a lot smarter. but i also drive the exact same roads every single day to and from work. i know the speed limit. so when i get stuck behind someone going 10 under... i lose it. i wouldn't say i ever get road rage. it's not like i tailgate them or honk or flash my lights, but it just drives me absolutely insane. especially on my way home from work. as soon as it's 5:00, i get this inherent need to be home like rightnow. i don't know why this is, but i am all of a sudden in such a huge rush to just be at home. for no reason.

mmmm... that's all i can think about. i'm so preoccupied with our plans for the rest of the week/weekend! there'll be plenty of posts on all that coming soon. i'm sure i'll be playing catch up with this challenge once we're back in town, too! i'll see what i can do...

day 21 / a little digging

i'm excited about today's topic for the blog every day in may challenge! i get to share some links to older posts i've written and particularly like.

this was a lot of fun for me! i've made it a point to sometimes share things in great detail, for the purpose of remembering it later, and i'm so glad i did! i've come to realize how annoying it can be to read a really long post, but for my own sake, i'm glad i wrote novels sometimes. it will mean so much to me to have these things documented! it's also cool because when i first started this blog, well, when i VERY first started this blog, i was in college and i have since deleted about a year's worth of posts because they aren't very relevant to my life now, but where my archives start, i didn't have as many readers back then, so this is gonna be fun.

it's a little funny to see how far i've come with my blog. some of my older posts are a little embarrassing, almost. i feel like i used to be really immature and my writing was sub par (it still is sometimes, but at least i'm improving!) but i'm glad i have kept track of my life this way. it's so fun to look back at these memories!

this was pretty hard to narrow down, so pick and choose! there are 24 here.. oops! 

day eleven: nothing about this post is significant, except for i wrote it on the day of my first date with devin, and it's the first time he is mentioned in this blog. i was in the middle of a different blogging challenge, imagine that, when this was written, hence the post title. i am so glad i kept track of this! it's so cool to see our relationship progress through this blog.

"another story for another time" time: i think that in everybody's lifetime, there is a turning point where things really change. a place that they can look back on as a mile marker or something, where one thing ended, and another began. this story is about that time. it's sort of a sad story, but i feel like it's this thing that has happened to me that i'm "coming out of", i refer back to this time a lot, because it was life-changing. i literally changed my life after all of this, and i have been rebuilding ever since.

story time: the story of how devin proposed. just because, you know.

7 days: counting down to our wedding day, and reminiscing about our short few months of dating in the meantime.

if not for love, i would be drowning: the story of how we met. it's sort of cheesy, because i was really lovely, and all of this was new...

2011 photo highlights: exactly what it sounds like... a bunch of photos from the year. a re-cap of everything we did.

the best one i've had: a little bit about my experience as a nanny - the greatest job ever, and how hard it was to say goodbye to that family.

it's been a year: a post about our first anniversary that's pretty mushy. sorry all of these are about love and marriage.

to let time pass: learning to slow down and be okay with the fact that future plans aren't happening right now and it's okay to be where we're at.

i knew: sharing an excerpt from a journal entry i wrote shortly after meeting devin.

cooper: introducing our puppy! finally! 

repose: learning to be okay with right now, and feeling content in the present instead of rushing into the future.

thanksgiving and a cooper photo shoot: a boring thanksgiving post. but some of the cutest photos of coop!

mckayla lavee: finding strength and confidence in my younger sister's brave example

2012: a review: exactly what it sounds like... a bunch of photos from the year. a re-cap of everything we did.

baby blue: introducing my nephew, Ben / getting a brand new nephew for the first time. (because i married into the other kids)

be kind: a grumpy day realization

and i move on: learning to not sweat the small stuff

juicing: i'm all for juicing. it's awesome in so many ways. get educated.

a walk where we live: we have the greatest neighborhood, and i'm learning how to photograph

french macarons: i freakin made these! it's a tutorial. you should try it.

if my husband were a pinboard: this was fun. you should try it.

i get by with a little help from my friends: i am surrounded by the most wonderful people.

yellow canyon: the prettiest little place near our house.

struggle

Day 20 of the blog every day in May challenge is to get real and share something I am struggling with right now, and again, i'm going to forgo the big, scary, personal stuff, and share something different. I really like what Jenni (the ring-leader for this whole link-up challenge!) wrote about and I feel like I totally agree.

I struggle so much with the balancing act. Finding a balance between work and friends and family and exercise and hobbies. It's really tough. And the more full my plate gets, the harder it is to balance it all. I do think I am pretty good at leaving work at work, and I think that's a talent. It's not like my job is a big, heavy one, but it can be challenging at times to leave that stuff at the door when I go home. Having a 20 minute commute, and an awesome playlist definitely aid in my transition from work to home each weekday. I love having that drive to clear my head of work stresses, and also start planning about being home. What I'll make for dinner. What laundry needs to be done. What shows there are to watch in our queue, and whether or not we have everything we need to make muddy buddies for later. Making these small plans as I'm on my way home definitely make the difference in transitioning away from workbrain. Especially if I'm making calls to my mom or sisters, just to say hi. They get my mind off things!

It also helps that more often then not, I beat Devin home. And I come home to a happy, tail-wagging, squirmy little pup. He gets my mind off of it all, for sure! I go straight into dog-mama mode when I see him, and that's just natural, I guess. But the point of this is to share the parts I struggle with, right?

I have a hard time balancing my time between friends, the gym, the dog, my husband, and other commitments I make. I have such a hard time leaving Cooper in his pen for an extra hour a few nights a week so I can go to the gym. I always feel so guilty about it! I know he's just fine, and it's not like he's neglected or trapped in a tiny cage or anything, but I still feel like that is time I could be spending with him, letting him play and get out some energy. That sounds a little ridiculous, but I still feel this way every single time.

I also have such a hard time saying yes to plans with friends on the weekend, when I haven't seen much of Devin all week, or I know he's had a long week. Whether we are getting invited on a double date, or I am getting calls for a girl's night, it's tough to want to make those plans instead of just being with Devin. I always choose him first, and that mostly sounds sweet, but it's also good for us to be social and have our own social lives, it's just hard to balance. It helps to hear from him that it's okay if I go out with my girlfriends, because he'd actually appreciate some alone time, haha!

Does any of that make sense? I feel a little like I'm rambling. This morning has gone by so fast and it's almost 2:00 but I still don't feel like I'm totally awake, and the gloomy, rainy weather is just contributing to that! Rainy days like this always feel so cozy and they always seem to call for a day in bed, which I obviously didn't get! I also feel like i've got party-hosting hangover. We had Devin's big party on Saturday and then hosted Sunday dinner with my family, and it was a lot of work to do both of those in the same weekend! It was so fun and so worth it, but I think I'll take some time to recover before my next party ;) haha. We are now planning our anniversary trip for this week, and getting together all of our gear and making packing list and grocery lists and meal plans, so I haven't even really slowed down! Anyway...

day 19 // 5 blogs i love

i'm getting so close to being done with this challenge! i have loved all the topics so far, but it's been sort of a pain to blog every day! it's so much harder than i thought! today's topic is to share 5 blogs i love and what i love about them. i wanted to share some blogs that i love that i don't talk about too often, because you already know I love Sydney, Natalie, Naomi and Danica. I talk about them all the time. So here are five others that I never miss! 

1. Gal Meets Glam. What amazes me about this blog is that Julia is my age. But she is so fashionable and so classy. She is like, real life Gossip Girl. I love her style and she's just the prettiest. It's the age thing. It makes me like her that much more, knowing that we are the same age. It makes all the edgy, risky style seem more doable. And she takes such a classy approach. I'm obsessed.

2. Hello, Sunshine. Natasha and I went to Dixie State College together and we were both editors for the campus newspaper. I feel like I know her better now that we live in separate states than I did when we both spent hours upon hours in the same room! She is so huge on family and marriage values, and it's so inspiring. I love it. She is a great writer, and she is so witty. Also, she's a crossfit superstar.

3. RyleeBlake. Rylee and I worked together for a brief time at Bath and Body Works and she was just the greatest. My first impression of her was that she was always so ambitious and so unique. She's got this model face, but rocks ripped jeans and combat boots. She would tell us about how she wanted to spend her life doing Humanitarian work in third world countries and make videos about her trips. I thought that was so cool. She could change the world! It was the coolest thing to me. She's also saved my butt so many times when I screw up my blog! Formatting these things can be a nightmare, but she's sort of a genius, and is always willing to help. I love this girl! 

4. The Hollenback Bus. Okay, so Megan is a triplet and her and her two sisters are my favorite. I follow their travel blog, and each of their individual blogs, too. Megan and her husband own and run several businesses including the cutest watches, the coolest phone and ipad cases, and the most genius mail-order tampon service (don't think that's weird. read about it. it's a brilliant idea!). She also just had a baby, and he's the cutest thing! I love reading about her adventures in business, motherhood and travel. She's a superwoman!

5. Verbal Vomit. Hannah is the most sarcastic, hilarious story teller and illustrator. I absolutely love reading her posts and laugh out loud every time. Especially her hipster ones, and the ones about her childhood. She kills me! 

a story from my childhood

this is actually yesterday's topic for blog every day in may, but i missed it because yesterday was crazy getting everything together for devin's party (more on that later). and i can't really think of any one story from my childhood anyway. so how about a few little things i remember and loved about it?

/ / i don't remember getting this picture taken, but i do remember eating that hot dog. we were at some event for my dad's job and then the next day, this photo was in the newspaper, and my school hung it up on a bulletin board outside of the lunch room and all of my classmates saw it as we were walking in our single file line to lunch and i was embarrassed.

/ / i danced for 12 years. i have this leotard framed, but i think it's in a box at my parent's house.

/ / dancing with my dad around the campfire to Trisha Yearwood. I was/am obsessed with her song "She's in Love with the Boy" - because the song is about a girl named Katie. I called it "Katie & Tommy". 

/ / dan fogelberg.

/ / Oh, the glamour shots. Please notice the Barney Shoes. (I also cut my bangs. Like, a lot.)

/ / Orem Summerfest! 

/ /Skiing with my dad, and my favorite part being the ride on the lift. I remember this day. I remember taking these photos and sitting in the car getting all of our gear on for our daddy-daughter day.

 

/ / I remember nothing about this day in particular, but this is my childhood best friend, Jake. He lived next door and we played together every day. He always wanted to play with my Beanie Babies. I always wanted to play Mario Cart in his basement. He moved when I was 8 or so, and I remember being so upset that he didn't say goodbye to me.

a self portrait

day 17 - wow! this thing is making may fly by! today's blog every day in may topic is to share a favorite photo of yourself and why you like it.

i'm not a very photogenic person. other girls can do these really natural, gorgeous soft smiles, or really stunning straight faces... i usually just look angry. or cold. or uncomfortable. i'm horrible at it! haha sometimes when i have a good hair day or i like my make up, i'll do my best to document it (because it happens next to never), and that's what this photo is. from a few weeks ago. i feel sort of vain and weird talking about a picture of myself, but that's okay. i think this one turned out okay?! haha

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it's finally the weekend! i am swimming in stress right now, trying to get everything together for devin's party tomorrow. i've got a lot to do! i'm even utilizing my lunch break to run some of these errands. it's going to be a busy weekend but i cant wait for the party. i've put a lot of work into it and i hope everything goes smoothly! all devin wanted for his birthday was all of his friends in the same place, so that's my goal here! i can't wait to see and catch up with all of our friends and enjoy some delicious food! (this menu is like, man-birthday party genius!) hopefully i will be able to catch my breath by sunday, because we're having my family up that day for dinner to celebrate devin's and my dad's birthdays and then next weekend we're off for our anniversary! fwew! things are getting exciting around here again :)

my lot in life

today's topic for the blog every day in may challenge is to talk about something difficult about my lot in life and why it's hard for me.

I..... don't like this topic.
And I don't know how I feel about sharing those things on my blog.
I keep them to myself for a reason.
I haven't already talked about them on here for a reason.
My personal life remains pretty personal, even though it sometimes seems like I am an open book, tell-all.
But those struggles and trials and hardships that keep me up at night and make me cry the big, ugly tears?
Those are things I take on with my husband.
With my family.
With myself.
I don't want to talk about it here.
Not because I want this blog to be a strictly positive place, because it's not.
I think that's dishonest, really.
And I don't want anyone to look at my blog and think my life is really that good, because it's not.
And I don't think I portray it that way.
At least I try not to.
I do my best to share the real life things, although it's much easier to talk about the happy stuff.
I'm sure you know that.
But that's not the point.
I don't want to share those things because they're the things closest to my heart.
Tucked away more carefully than anything else in my mind.
The things that make me fragile.
I'm not talking about the hard, little daily stuff, because I do share that.
All the time.
But those are different.
Those aren't the struggles and trials and hardships that keep me up at night or make me cry the big, ugly tears.
Maybe if a time came that I felt right about sharing those things, I would.
And for some of those things, I'm sure that will happen.
But now is not that time.
It's delicate.
It's personal.
It's a big identifier for who I am and the way I live my life.
Things that very, very few people may know.
And that's all for a reason.
Now is not that time.

a day in the life

for today's blog every day in may challenge topic, we're sharing a day in the life! i fully intended on making this like a photo every hour kind of thing when i read about this topic at the beginning of the month, but naturally, didn't even know what the topic for today was until about 9:00 this morning when i looked it up. oops! but, to be fair, everything that goes on before 9am really isn't very pretty, so you aren't missing too much. at least i have a knack for remembering exact times.

6:00am: alarm goes off. wake up very grumpy and immediately turn it off

6:30am: alarm goes off. wake up a little less grumpy, but more tired than before. lay in bed and browse social media for a few minutes. cooper jumps on the bed and lays between devin and i. devin gets up.

6:43am: get up and get ready. let cooper outside. stand in front of the closet with a very blank look on my face trying to decide what to wear. throw on a dress because it takes the least amount of effort.

7:02am: get all my stuff together for work. grab some snacks, grab keys, grab phone

7:12am: ready early, so i head to work anyway. put coop in his pen. kiss devin goodbye.

7:39am: arrive at starbucks. i earned it since i got to lehi so early. order a grande vanilla bean frappucino and asiago cheddar pretzl.

7:47am: pull up at the shop, clock in, start computer, open blinds, fill water bottle...

8:00am: turn on the phones and turn on the "open sign", check in customers

8:30am: morning rush has died down, computer isn't working. call provo. they're having the same problem. sit around while we wait for tech support to fix it. read ksl articles. fall into every trap the guys make for dirty jokes.

>spent the entire afternoon doing basically nothing other than the very small amount of work that i could, with a lot of false hope that our system would be working again shortly, just to find out that it in fact wouldn't be<

1:38pm: got word that we would probably be down for the rest of the day. can you think of a worse combination than horribly bored and stressed, but not being able to do anything about it?

3:29pm: by this point, we had all basically given up and stopped caring. we sent the parts manager to sonic for some happy hour drinks and calmed down.

4:36pm: every single customer decided to pick up their car at the same time and we get a huge rush.

4:57pm: run parts and my car keys back to one of our techs, Evan, who agreed to do me a huge favor and stay a little late today to replace the wheel bearings on our mazda (note to self: get Evan a giftcard)

5:03pm: head home (finally!) - my boss let me borrow the company car for the night to get home and back to work in the morning - that was a fun change of pace!

5:23pm: come home to find my husband and dog hanging out in the backyard, and join them. (do you spot cooper in these photos??) devin also let me know that he won a big gift basket at a company event today and we got a free hotel stay that I can't wait to find time to use!

6:14pm: decide we are hungry and have a few errands to run, so we went to taco time and got some crisp juan burritos.

6:42pm: sit back and watch a zillion episodes of The Voice to catch up to the live performances, while it rained outside.

...i'm just gonna stop here. it's been a long day and i've got a headache. but you can expect us to be in bed before 10:00pm, watching Parenthood. well, devin will watch, and i will try for about 5 minutes, but fall asleep. 

this is a pretty standard day, really. weird things are always happening, like computer systems crashing and cars needing work.. it's constant, so none of this was out of the ordinary. i have a pretty great life, even though it seems a little sedentary, i really love it. i love my job. i love where i live and these crazy wonderful boys i get to spend my life with. just another day!

a list of things that make me so stupidly happy

today's blog every day in may challenge is to list 10 things that make you happy. it's second monday, so this list was a little bit hard to come up with...

1. our growing collection of mismatched dishes. so the story is: we didn't register anywhere for our wedding. i'm not going to lie and say we were lazy - we just wanted the cash. so we ended up with lots of giftcards and lots of random gifts. we didn't get any dishes, and for the first few months, we were just eating off the plastic stuff we both had from college. after a little while, we bucked up and went dishes shopping. for a set. we really didn't want the mugs that come with each set of 4, and we found a good deal at Wal Mart (I know, right? Can you believe I went inside?!). For $24, we got 8 dinner plates, 8 salad plates, and 8 bowls. All clear glass. They were just neutral and cool. We like them. Since then, they've sort of gotten old, but we both have a strange love for dishes, so trying to settle on one set was basically impossible. I had started collecting small salad plates for our plate rack, and the collection got big enough that not all the plates could be on the rack at once (thanks, pier 1, for you adorable selection and killer clearance), so we started eating off of them. and then we just ran with it. we've got plenty of small plates and have just now started to gather dinner sized ones. once we've stocked up on those, i plan on rounding up a bunch of mismatched bowls, and i'm sure i'll throw glasses into the mix eventually. i love having them mismatched. my cupboard is so colorful!

2. thunderstorms. i mean, really. i just love them. we don't get tsunami downpour in utah too often, but when we do? oh, how i love it. the thunder that rattles your bones and the lightning that lights up the entire house? that's my favorite.

3. a spotless house. my love for a clean house has stemmed from my love for a husband who has a love for cleaning. he's rubbed off on me, and when you only have 700 square feet, things get dirty pretty quick. but they also clean up pretty fast, too. when our house is immaculate, we are both so oddly giddy.

4. every little thing about my cooper. the way he waits so patiently on the edge of the bed when he hears devin come home from work late at night, about to burst with excitement, he can barely contain himself. the biggest and most enveloping cuddles he gives away just before he falls asleep, they bury me, and i could never let go. the way his ears go back and he hunches down low and his tail starts propelling when i walk in the door after work, and he waits until i'm just a little closer and stretches as he jumps up on me, so happy i am finally home, then buries his head into me once i let him out of his pen. and the way he lays his front legs down on the ground, butt in the air, tail paused, perfectly, as high as he can get it, maybe swaying, just for a second, with a ball in between the teeth on only one side of his mouth, so his tongue can hang out of the other. if he could belly laugh the way toddlers do when they are so happy, they just can't take it, and there's nowhere else for their smile to go, this would be that time that he would do that. he is the happiest, sweetest pup in the entire world, that boy.

5. a good hair day. nothing can make me happy in the way that a solid hair day can. i am so much more confident when those curls fall perfectly, and those highlights are showing off. you know exactly what i mean. the very best is when you wake up to a good hair day. and you don't even have to do anything. does life get better?! doubt it. i'm a huge sap when these hairs aren't mad at me. huge, i tell you.

6. a diet coke from the fountain. but especially from mcdonald's, in a styrofoam cup. devin knows this. he knows that when i'm grumpy or sad or have cramps or had a bad day that i need a diet coke. it's the magic trick. he also has a habit of picking up bottled mexican coke for me any time he ends up at a gas station on his way home from work. that man's a gem, and that aspartame, though it kills my brain cells and is probably slowing giving me cancer and killing me from the inside out, makes me so undeniably happy. (more on that later, though)

7. little kids. i cannot even begin to explain how happy it makes me to be around my nieces and nephews. makayla is getting older and more mature and she's got so much spunk. she gets jokes, and she has the funniest sense of humor. kaden is the smartest and most imaginative kid. i just light up listening to him. anything that comes out of his mouth, i am all ears. he is so creative and just brilliant. addison is the sweetest, funniest little toddler. she is such a girly girl and is becoming so independent. and that baby ben! oh my goodness. he's still so small, but he already has a pretty big personality. i wish i got to see him more often, but he's just the more beautiful baby on the planet and make the best faces. i love kids.

8. getting packages in the mail. it's like christmas, but on a weekday. and christmas is the best time of the year, so being able to feel a little christmas on a tuesday in march? i will take it any day. plus, shipping usually takes forever, so by the time something gets to my mailbox, i've usually forgotten that i even ordered anything, so it's a surprise! and i love surprises. 

9. pedicures. i love them. that's all. 

10. of course, my husband. he is just... there aren't even words to describe how insanely, stupidly happy this man makes me. it's the way he kisses my cheeks until i break out in a huge smile, and the way he comes up behind me in the kitchen while i'm doing dishes, just to put his arms around me and tell me he loves me. but it's so much more than the affection and the words and the sweet little things. it's the way he works so hard and so tirelessly, and the way i know i can trust him with absolutely everything. he is my very best friend. it's a happiness that i can feel, but i can't fathom. there aren't words to describe it, it's just something i feel. and only i can feel. and that's what makes it so important, and so different. it makes it ours. 

a public apology, issued on behalf of my dog

today's blog every day in may challenge is to issue a public apology. i figure coop's had a lot to be sorry about lately, and thought i'd do the apologizing for him ;) 

dear next door neighbors,

i'm sorry i have chosen your backyard to do all my "business" it's just that my backyard doesn't feel quite right. good thing you never come outside and my mom and dad don't even know who you are, right? i'll make sure my dad cleans up after me asap.

sincerely, cooper

dear mom's family,

i'm sorry all i ever do when i come over is wrestle with my cousin, zero. he is just so feisty. and he asks for it. if you put us outside, we will just lay in the shade by each other, but when you bring us inside we will tornado all over the living room floor under everyone's feet. don't you enjoy the entertainment? we thought you might.

sincerely, cooper

dear dog bone,

i've been saving you for a special occasion. that's why i haven't demolished you yet, and i just carry you around very carefully and set you down in random places very gently. but the day i eat you is coming. sorry in advance.

sincerely. cooper

dear dad,

i'm sorry i'm such a bed hog. mom doesn't seem to mind, but i think it's because i am a furnace at night, so she stays nice and warm. hopefully you'll learn to love it soon, because as far as i am concerned, what's yours is mine. bed included.

love, coop

dear mom,

i'm sorry that every time you come home from lunch, i have spilled my water. it's just that i'm excited for summer, and i need to practice my splashing. although, i don't have as good of an excuse as to why i never finish my breakfast. but i'm sorry for that, too, and i'll eat it for dinner.

love, your goob

dear dog park,

i'm sorry i haven't come in awhile. mom and dad have been very busy, and since it's warm, they want to run and play too, instead of just watching me run and play, so have been spending a lot more time up the canyon. i'll be back soon.

sincerely, cooper

what i miss

the blog every day in my challenge topic for today is to talk about the things i miss. i got a little carried away looking through old pictures, and realize this list is pretty big! luckily, i can look forward to doing most of this stuff again soon!

 

camping with my dad. he is such an outdoorsman, and when he is out there in his element, he is the life of the party. i love being with my dad outside. all of my favorite childhood memories are camping, because of this guy. plus, for some reason, his cooking is WAY better when we're camping :)

 

this trip! last year for our anniversary, devin surprised me and took us to jackon hole and we spent 1 day horseback riding. it was the funnest afternoon and i can't wait to go back!

 

climbing in joe's! trips to joe's valley have very quickly become my favorite type of climbing trip, and i hope we spend a lot of time down there this summer.

 

grey's river. our favorite place in the whole entire world. we're going back in july and it can't come fast enough.

 

wearing my wedding ring! i still have about a week until i can put it back on ever since this happened

 

ski season! i know it just barely ended, but i miss it already. we had so much fun skiing this year and were able to get out a lot. i'm so glad it's something we both enjoy doing

 

nannying. this sweet girl and her brother changed my life. i learned so, so much from them, and being their nanny was the best job i've ever had. i think about them every day and i wish i could have been their nanny for longer!

 

camping and adventures with this guy. devin is a lot like my dad in that he sort of becomes a different person when we get outside. he is so much happier. you know he's exactly where he wants to be. i love that.

 

our truck! i miss this truck so bad. i'm glad we don't have it anymore, but i still miss it! he had so much fun with this thing!

  

this guy as a baby. he's only 9 months, so he's technically still a puppy, but he's almost full grown. we watched old videos of him as a puppy a few nights ago and i miss it so bad! he wasn't this small for very long, and i'd love to have baby cooper back for just a couple of minutes!

and lastly... unrelated, but important: happy mother's day to the most incredible woman. i am forever impressed by my mom. every quality she has is so admirable and i feel so blessed to have been raised by her. i am so proud to be her daughter! as i've gotten older, and i'm less of an annoying child, and less of a rebellious teenager, we have become so close. she gives the greatest advice, she is always willing to listen, and she's taught me everything i know! i love you, mom! happy mother's day!