day 30 / letting go. or at least... trying to

today's topic is another sticky one. the prompt says, "react to this term: letting go" 

(insert biiiiig exhale here)

so, here's the thing. i had this whooooole other life before i met devin. and it's not something i like to bring up, and it's the main reason why i deleted over a year's worth of posts from the beginning of this blog. i dated someone very seriously for several years and it just ruined me. i mean, it really took a toll on my everything. i came away from those years so emotionally unstable. so mentally sick (i don't mean like evil sick, i mean like my mind had the flu.. haha) i couldn't trust. i had all of these horrible tendencies like jealousy and second guessing everything. i couldn't trust anyone. i had lost all self esteem. this guy had just ripped it all out of my hands. but he did it in such an awful, slimy, snake way. he was so manipulative and controlling and i saw right past it. i was so blind and it was so obvious and i feel like such an idiot about it all now. what a mistake it all was. why didn't i notice? why didn't i see that? he was so good at persuading  and lying and i believed every word he said. he could talk his way out of absolutely anything and he was so scary-good at lying. i watched him lie to everyone else in his life, but always had this sick idea that he was always telling me the truth. because i mattered. right? i was under the impression, at least. even after things ended, it was hard for me to come to terms with all of the truth that came out after the fact. it's still hard. i still struggle with it. it still keeps me up at night. i had endured so many horrible things, without even knowing it. it was just the worst. it ruined me. he was such an awful person to me, and i felt so defeated.

enter devin. and every part of my ruined self was fixed. almost instantly. i became a new person. i was confident again. i was happy. i was thriving. but it was still hard. and those slimy feelings would come back  sometimes in the beginning and i would doubt and i would second guess and i would pull away and i would build these walls and i would hate myself for it because i knew in my heart that i could trust devin and he never once had given me a reason not to, but i couldn't help myself. it was these slimy tendencies. these habits that had formed from all those years of being mistreated and taken advantage of. i just couldn't shake it. i couldn't let it go. i couldn't overcome all the bad that i was left with.

and i'm not saying that i still have this unhealthy attachment to that guy. it's got absolutely nothing to do with him at all. that ended when it ended. the letting go part is about the slime. all the negative stuff it left me with. that rotten feeling it left inside me. the hole. the absolute betrayal.

those years seem so far behind me now. and the life i live now is so different and so happy and those old years, i can hardly remember them. no, really. they are dissolving every day, and i am so, so glad, because it's making it easier. easier to let go. 

so, i wouldn't say i'm there yet. but it gets easier every day. and my dear sweet husband? oh my goodness, does he love me. he gets it. and i never thought he would. i never expected him to, and i understood exactly why he wouldn't. and why he shouldn't have to. i always felt so guilty for having this problem for being so emotionally and mentally unstable and for getting in these ruts sometimes. i called it baggage. but he gets it. he relates to me, with his own similar experiences. he understands and he's patient and he's supportive and he's taken on this challenge of letting go and he's made it ours. and he helps me every day. and he makes it so easy. i could do anything with this man at my side. anything. 

he's helped me gain back so much more confidence. so much more trust. he fixed it :)

letting go isn't an easy thing to do. under any circumstance and for any reason, but when you have someone else on your team, it sure helps. devin, i love you! you are the greatest.

whoooo! that got pretty deep. moving on...!

things that make me uncomfortable

okay! we're up to speed here! i'm a little excited about this one, because things that make me uncomfortable are easy to laugh at when i'm not actually enduring them. and this list could get mega-huge in a matter of minutes. i'll try to contain myself. i'm pretty awkward, so this one's easy for me.

1 / being with a group of people that i don't know. for example: one day this week for work, we were in a pinch and needed to get a customer's car up to Murry to service it. almost everyone was at lunch and the only people available to go were me, and our lot tech (the guy who cleans and takes out the trash and helps wash cars and organizes the shop and stuff), who reminds me of boo radley from to kill a mockingbird. so i very begrudgingly drove the company car up to larry h miller toyota - a good 45 minute drive from the office. the lot tech drove the customer's car and dropped it off and then hopped in with me to drive back to the office. and that whole 45 minute drive? complete silence. so awkward. i had intended on trying to start conversation, but you know when you reach a certain point and it's been too quiet for too long, you can't really go back. so silence it was.

2 / getting in trouble. so, it's not like i get in trouble a lot. but i really hate being told i did something wrong or i'm bad at something. or i've done something i'm not supposed to. my instinct is to cry. i can usually wait until i'm alone or can leave the room, but even if it's not a big deal, i'm a huge baby about it. i wonder why i wasn't a more obedient kid...

3 / bathrooms that aren't my own. i feel like this is a given. just weird.

4 / eating food at someone else's house that i don't like, but i don't want to hurt their feelings. so, i'm not really a picky eater, but there are a lot of really popular foods that i'm not a fan of (ie: mashed potatoes), and i also tend to stick to what i know. so trying new stuff is always a little scary. i feel so bad when i'm a guest at someone's dinner table and whatever they made is gross to me! 

5 / knowing that the person that just came out of the bathroom didn't wash their hands. at work, the customer bathroom is about 20 feet away from my desk. the garbage can has an automatic lid that's really loud, and the motion-detected paper towel dispenser is even louder. not to mention the running water in the sink. so i can hear if they've washed their hands or not.

6 / the number 22. really no explanation here, i just see it everywhere and it sorta freaks me out.

fog

Utah seems to be having an identity crisis lately. It started with several weeks straight of below freezing temperatures... without any snowfall. Next came a morning of freezing rain. Which I have never seen in Utah in my entire lifetime. It was a rare sight! I had to pull over mid-commute and scrape my windows! And now, the weather has settled with this dense, thick fog that draped the wasatch front last night and has only gotten worse. Devin was fortunate enough to spend this afternoon at the OR show, and I was getting a little sick of laying around the house so I took Cooper on a walk to give him a little exercise.

^ there's a neighborhood back there...

The fog was intense. I got lost twice! After about an hour of walking around, we finally happened upon our own backyard and came back inside. I was still a little stir-crazy and decided our next adventure would be a drive. Living in an unfamiliar city has the perk of fun and aimless drives. I love looking at houses and thought today would be the perfect day to finally find my way to the Up House, which I had been wanting to do since I found out it was in Herriman, and could see it from the [one and only] main road in town. Once I got from our street down into town, I laughed at myself. I could barely see the car in front of me, let alone find a house I had only seen from a distance as I passed by! I made a prompt left turn, right into Mcdonald's for a diet coke and went straight back home. Now cooper and I are back in bed, chugging diet coke for me, sleeping for him (that surgery must have really wiped him out! he's sleeping as much as he did when he was a baby!), and endless episodes of my newest guilty pleasure, Gossip Girl (I know, I'm awful!). Hopefully Devin will be home soon, but in the meantime, Coop and I will just keep our stink faces on.

[adorable hat knitted (is that a word?) for me by my long lost best friend, Kylee's mother. she's got a talent!]

that's all, folks.

don't be surprised by the fact that we're still crazy busy. and by we i mean devin. his busyness makes me feel busy, though. it seems like nothing has slowed down at all since we moved. he's had 2 opening shifts this week (which means he's at the gym by 6am, which means we're both up a little after 4am...) and he's started school. and still working full time. and covering other people's butts when they're whiny and he finally had an evening off (we must've jinxed it.)

luckily, we were able to get out last night and go to dinner. we were both pretty excited when we realized how deserted the gateway is on a wednesday night. and that we can take a quick drive up to SLC any night of the week for dinner. this is a new. and it's great. 

other things... 

>pretty little liars finale? i'm shocked. freakin' Toby. 

>work goes by so fast. still. it's so awesome.

>i finally understand the sonic happy hour hype. thanks to our office manager getting us all lemon berries yesterday. yum.

>everybody needs to stop having babies. at least until i get my puppy. then you can carry on.

>i discovered last night that Herriman has more than 1 main road with business on it. less boonie than i thought. touche. 

>the things i've come to miss most about our old place are target and our yellow bedroom wall.

i kept thinking today was friday. which is the worst. this weekend we don't have many big plans. thanks goodness. we are so excited to go to our new ward on sunday. i can't wait to meet some people! i hope there are other young couples like us without kids. we need Herriman friends! plus devin needs a guy friend that's close by so he can watch all the games (since we're sans cable). 

we've got a pretty giant ikea trip in our future, and once that's done, i'll be able to finish up all the decorating and organizing, and i can finally post pictures of the finished house. in the mean time, i'm putting together the details for our housewarming party, hopefully in the next 2 weeks or so. i'm so excited to have our friends come up and see! i have missed them, our friends. 

for the sake of updating

i started a private blog, so i've been giving more attention to that lately, plus also, we've been more busy than ever! a few updates:

1. I have loved every minute of my new job. It's still extremely overwhelming, and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the hang of it all, but I think it will just take a little more practice! The guys in the shop are hilarious and also really nice, and the customers are awesome. The shop definitely has a good reputation. Plus also? It's pretty funny to take the company car for a spin every once in awhile :)

2. Sean and Chloe are having a BOY!!! I am getting a new nephew! I married into 2 nieces and a nephew, and even though Addi was still a baby when I met Devin, it will be so different to have a niece/nephew born since I've been an Ashby! It's been fun to watch Chloe and Sean through the pregnancy, and the other night, Chloe brought over the DVD of the ultrasound and we got to watch! I had never seen a video of one before and I was totally amazed by it! You could see the tiny little heart beating inside baby ashby's chest, and you could see his brain! He is going to be so, so gorgeous! Sean has already nicknamed him "blue" because as Chloe has tracked the size of the baby with those fruit things, Sean got hooked on calling "it" (at the time) "baby blue" - now it definitely fits, being a boy and all! I am so excited for them to be parents. They will be so great! 

3. We are moving in ONE WEEK. Holy cow. Where did this last week go? Now all the sudden we have TONS to pack and move in the next week. It's going to be exhausting! I keep looking at the pictures I took on my phone from when we first walked through the house, and it gets me more and more excited. I can't wait! Devin has already set up the internet and i'm pretty sure even the utility bills. The only thing left to do is sign the lease officially and get those keys!!! (Did I mention there's a pool?!)

4. Kelli's birthday was on Wednesday! My big sister is 24! It's weird to think that my husband is older than my older (est) sister. I've just always seen her as so much older and more mature! We get to celebrate at dinner with Kelli, Sean and other friends tomorrow. I love my cheech SO much! I wish she didn't live so far away :(

5. Strawberry soda. I forgot how much I loved this stuff. When I was at UVU, I would buy a can of Welch's at one of the little cafes in the LA building almost every day, and then forgot it existed. When Devin was craving soda at the grocery store the other night, and we saw there was a sale... I couldn't help but get some! So good. So, so good.

6. Shortly after Devin started working for Momentum, the owner and his good friend, Jeff, commissioned him to build a team-building program for businesses. This week, the program launched! Not only am I so excited for the kinds of things this will mean for the gym, but I am SO proud of Devin! This is the kind of thing he is going to school for, so for him to be getting this experience right now, while he is just starting the Outdoor Rec. Management program is HUGE! I'm a proud wife :) read more about the program here.

7. It's wedding season. Which means that Devin just finished up editing the last photos he's taken, and it also means that our weekends are booked for receptions of dear friends. Tomorrow? A mission companion. And next Saturday (which is also move-in day!), our dear friends Brit and Joe! So happy for them!

8. My One Tree Hill marathon has finally reached season 2. I love this show so much. I just forgot for... several years... haha!

9. We are PUPPY SHOPPING! If anybody has any information on affordable mini australian shepherd puppies/breeders in Utah or Idaho, please let us know! We are willing to drive pretty much anywhere in the state to find the perfect puppy! We don't need any show dog AKC kind of stuff. Just a cute little guy to be a family dog. Now that we will be living somewhere puppy friendly, we won't last very long without a puppy! 

10. I would also like recommendations for a good new book to read! I'm fresh out! Not that I've had much time for reading lately or anything... ha!

to let time pass

it's not often that I have a lot to say, but when the house is empty and quiet, my thoughts really can't help themselves. and as nice as watching endless episodes of Friends is... it's just not cutting it tonight.

there is a lot going on right now. in life, in my mind. it feels like it's not something I'll ever catch up to. not necessarily in a bad way. it just sort of seems like we're in limbo. past events are well over: we've been married for a year, we have a nice place and steady jobs. no recent climatic things we're still catching our breath from. and then there's now: sort of a broken record kind of phase. mostly because there is so much going on in the near and distance future: buying a house, getting a dog, getting careers, having kids... it's a lot to look forward to, and i can't wait.

but it stresses me out! i feel like I'm getting impatient for things, even when I know that now is not the time. when i can feel that it's not time yet for those things. as much as i covet homeowners and dog owners and happily employed career women and mothers... it's just not time! but I still feel this sense of urgency to reach that point? is this just me? I'm going nuts! i feel like it's not happening as fast as it should, maybe. but i also know and feel like we're progressing just like we should. it's a lot to handle all at once, especially when I'm thinking about these things all the time. i wish i could just have it explained to me sometimes.

i feel like I'm at this spot in a book where I want so badly to ask someone who knows how it ends to tell me, so I can feel better, and stop feeling anxious - but I don't want to ruin the rest of the story. i don't want to spoil the ending. i like being surprised. it's harder than i thought, though. to wait. to let time pass. to save money. to advance in our schooling and jobs. to have a clearer idea of where we are, where we are going and where we want to end up. more answers, less wondering.

via

Shopping in Jackson

Jackson Hole, Wyoming is a pretty touristy town. Especially the down-town part of it. Most of the shops are packed with art of the Tetons and wildlife like moose and bears, and everything is plastered with the Wyoming Cowboy and phrases like "Dude, I think this whole town is high" (Wyoming has an elevation of 6-thousand-something or other. or something like that.)

I have to hand it to them, though. They're getting better at it. We actually both bought a few "Jackson Hole, Wyoming" articles of clothing, that are pretty stylish (matching t-shirts, too!). We found a few great things, but we came across even more crazy things.

 

real classy glasses

found these awesome bicycle glasses in my new favorite store. it was like a real-life etsy shop!

This old carousel horse was in an antique store, which I referred to as "Voo-doo Mama Juju's" as we were walking out. Cool... but mostly creepy.

to myself

on Saturday, I felt like a horrible friend and cancelled our dinner plans with Jami. (she's awesome. she'll forgive me.) but sometimes, I just need my husband to myself. we've been really busy the last few weeks, and even when we are together, there are too many other distractions, and too much going on in our minds to really spend the time together. devin, that sweet husband i'm so lucky to have, handled my mini breakdown really well. he is such a good husband. he sure loves me! he took me to grab some pizza at Slab and then we went home and played cards.

i needed that.

in other news: i dusted off some oldies. and that mostly means that i found some pictures i've been meaning to post but never got around to it until now.

 

we took these family photos, I think in November. the lighting was pretty bad and Devin was using a timer, so the quality didn't turn out too well. we will reshoot eventually. but we had a really great time! i love my family. we even brought our crazy dogs, they just aren't in this picture. 

this beauty is from several sundays ago, i think. i asked devin if he wanted to go on a walk. i meant around the neighborhood, or around either of the 2 walking paths/tracks we live next to. we went on what i will call a mini-hike. it was fun anyway.

this weekend went by slow - just the way i like it. and next week will be a blast. i only work until wednesday, wednesday is devin's birthday, and thursday we leave on our anniversary trip! update: devin is now trying to decide if he wants to blindfold me for the car ride, too. he says he thinks i'll know where we're going as soon as we start driving. i told him i would gladly be blindfolded. i love surprises - and he is good at surprising me!

i suppose i should update my blog...

but our life has been just slightly too crazy to do so! i finally found a moment to catch a breath. not that i really wanted this moment... it's only here because Devin's new job elicits frequent late shifts. he doesn't have a set 9-5 type of schedule anymore. every day is different. every week is different. some days he works mornings, others he works nights. unfortunately, today is a night shift. which meant that i glared a little bit as he laid in our warm, comfortable bed as i kissed him goodbye at 7:40 a.m. this morning, and i'm moping around a little bit now, seeing as he won't be home until about 11:00p.m. boo. another sacrifice we've gotta make to get to where we want to be! i'm sure a few lonely nights a week will be put to good use, and hey, maybe we'll even be glad we did this in the future! (ha. just kidding. we'll totally be glad. and by that, I mean... we better be...)

anyway...

we had a great conference weekend. that's when we bought our new car, which we have enjoyed quite a bit. i don't drive it very much, which is probably better, because it sufficiently freaks me out to leave the car key in my pocket, push a button on the handle on the car door to open it, and start the care by pushing a button... and after you push that button, you don't hear anything. the only way you can tell the car is on is when the dashboard lights up. it's weird. it's prius technology, so it's very quiet and eco-friendly and all that stuff.

we also enjoyed a lot of laying around. and on one of those morning, i made a big breakfast for the first time in a long time:

yes. devin's favorite yogurt right now comes with candy...

we very much so enjoyed our couch sitting and feel-goods feeling while we watched the prophet and apostles (shout out to my uncle D-Todd!) and other authorities of the church testify of the gospel. just what we needed! we also visited family and slept a lot.

after that, it was all about our new jobs! i have finally finished all my training, and today was one of the most stressful days i've ever had at a job ever! i am taking the place of a girl who hasn't been working there for maybe a week now, and she had a lot of "tasks", as we call them, that were "past due" - which basically means I had to do twice as much work today, just to catch up! but i did it!

devin has already had one day at the gym and he loves it. i love that he comes home from work in a good mood, and has all kinds of great stories to tell. i also love that i can climb with him for free at either gym, and even go up and boulder while he's working if i feel like it! it makes me so happy to see devin finally working in his field. he is so in his element at the climbing gym. he's a different person when he's there. someone with more focus, someone who is more relaxed, and someone who is really happy! not that he isn't that way all the time, it's just different at the gym. he is where he wants to be, and that is a big deal to both of us. it makes all the sacrifice well worth it.

the week went by pretty fast, and this weekend did too: we spent friday doing not much. i think all we did was go grocery shopping a little at costco. saturday, devin worked, and i went with my sister Kelli, who drove down from layton, to provo, to pick up her husband's birthday present: a pet dinosaur. you'd think i'm kidding. but i'm actually not. okay, maybe he's actually an iguana, but he's huge, and pretty feisty and super fast. so he's basically a dinosaur. he's pretty cool though. growing on me, at least. the whole time, all i could think was "i am such a dog person..." haha! but he is a pretty cool iguana. he even changes color. and they take him on walks. and his name is Ignacio. (ig-nas-ee-oh) we call him Naci for short (like... nah-see) it's a spanish name, I guess. anyway, the other birthday present she got him? uh.. no big deal, just

A HELICOPTER FLYING LESSON.

i think she will forever have a hard time topping that for the rest of his life. and i definitely failed when devin and i gave him a bag of his favorite candy for his birthday. like, yeah, his all time favorites, but after an iguana and flying a helicopter? i'm pretty sure life just plateaus at "meh". (just kidding. sort of)

after that, we took some bridals for a girl devin's dad referred to us, and then we did some errand running, some grub eating at bajio, and some movie watching with the holdaway's. ryan and i got in a fight over which movie to watch. i wanted Easy A. he wanted The Sandlot, Danica settled our argument and had us all watch "Eagle Vs. Shark", which is basically the New Zealand version of Napoleon Dynamite, but probably funnier. I just can't get over their accents! so awesome. it was a good night. full of doughnut holes and cake bombs, too.

on sunday, we skipped church to save the nursery children (and the wrath of their parents) from our recent illnesses. i was still showing symptoms, and devin had conjured up a pretty nasty cold over the weekend, so we slept in, which felt amazing, and then went to my parents for a big easter lunch.

my mom and i had put together a big basket for kelli that was a "congratulations / good luck / get well soon" basket of all her favorite drinks, treats and magazines because A) she just landed her dream job as a choir teacher at a charter school (!!!!!!) - that's the congratulations part, and B) she is getting foot surgery on thursday, but none of us can visit her, because they lives in BFE. and by that i mean layton. - that's the get well soon part. both parts deserve a "good luck" - so i threw that in there.

after a super long Masters, we finally left to devin's parents house. i don't really mind golf on TV, but when my dad has other guys to watch it with (which rarely happens) he has this need to grace us all with his constant commentary. over the commentators. it was obnoxious. i also would like golf on tv more if it weren't 5 hours long. that's a little much. but congratulations Bubba, I didn't watch you golf at all, but I did watch you cry at the end. Which I thought was pretty sweet and gentleman like. But after all, isn't golf a gentleman's sport? whatev. i was just glad it was over.

we got to devin's parents and we all had a lot of good laughs as the kids did an easter egg hunt. addi was being absolutely hilarious and about half way through, just sat down and unwrapped and ate practically every piece of candy, which very quickly resulted in a HUGE sugar high, which resulted in a lot more laughing. i got some of her ranting on video, but i don't know how good it is. she was being hilarious! my goodness.

after that, we had some of devin's mom's cheesecake, which is AMAZING, and then we all had a lot more laughs when Vicki (devin's mom) started playing with Siri on sean's new iPhone. Chloe told Vicki to ask Siri to marry her, which was pretty funny. but then, Chloe asked her to tell Siri to talk dirty to her. OH MY GOSH. hilarious. she wouldn't say it, which was even funnier. oh, i love that woman!

i probably could have easily taken out half of these. because they are all of addi sitting with her bucket. but i didn't.

it was a pretty great weekend.

this week, we are excited to go to the sealing of Devin's old roommate, Spencer! Devin lived with Spencer, and their other friend Colton, when I met him, so we spent a lot of time around those two guys. They are great! I am so happy for Spencer, and his wife-to-be, Lindsey is gorgeous and perfect for him! I am so excited to take a long lunch and meet with Devin at the temple to see their sealing! It will be well worth the extra time i'm working all the other days this week to make up for it!

more ramblings + photo dump friday

i decided i like to blog this way. so you'll probably see more of these kinds of posts.

i've reached a point where if i go more than 3 days without seeing a spider in the house, I know i'm overdue. I constantly scan the walls and ceiling, shake out my clothes and shoes, and promptly move the bug killer to somewhere more accessible. I also make sure Devin is within yelling distance at all times.

I think I have classically conditioned myself by watching several episodes of the office in bed before we fall asleep. now, every time i see or think about it, i get tired and start yawning incessantly. (altoid, anyone?)

I realize that when i blog, I am randomly selective about what i do and don't capitalize. but i don't really care.

my side of the closet could probably eat Devin's side very easily, yet I still complain daily that I have nothing to wear.

why does my netflix choose not to work the moment i discover breakfast at tiffany's on instant play? this event was weeks ago. and it's been sitting on my instant queue forever now, but i still haven't watched it...

Devin's favorite episode of the office is "Safety Training" (season 3: episode 19), which has resulted in both of us having the entire 21 minutes and 21 seconds memorized. We watch it at least every other week.

sometimes, Devin and I quote ourselves. Because we're just that funny. especially devin.

did you ever realize that straws are good for your teeth? the up & up brand straw box says something about how straws help prevent acidic content of soda and other elements that are harmful to your enamel by reducing the contact between your teeth and the liquid. makes sense, right? but awesome. plus, straws are more fun. and allow even more laziness. i can now drink while laying down.

you know how children are always the sweet, innocent ne'er - do - wrong - er's? then why are the always the creepiest part of scary movies?

Devin and I will think of one comment or scene of the office (that is totally insignificant and unrelated to the plot of the episode), and go nuts until we find out what episode it's from. (usually thanks to google and strangely worded search phrases...) most recently? when dwight talk about how he could have been growing mushrooms and puts his hand practically on the floor to show how high they'd be by now. (season 6, episode 9: double date). Found that one out by luck.

I think our wedding was the only wedding ever to not serve chocolate covered strawberries at the reception. I feel like I let everyone down. and now i'm craving some. good think my cousin is getting married tomorrow.

it's the middle of november. we sleep with our window open, and still complain about being too hot. all other times of the day at home? we're FREEZING.

a few weeks ago, i asked devin if he knew his family's plans for christmas this year. he said he didn't know, and didn't want to ask, because then he'd be put in charge. my mom called me earlier this week, and after our conversation, i asked her if she knew what our family's plans were for christmas. she put me in charge.

we went to staples yesterday. i haven't been in there for years. i immediately started scanning the store for Dwight Shrute. Too much office? never...

ALSO. i realize i didn't do a photo dump last friday. that's because i had the day off of work, which usually meddles a little with how and when i blog, because it's not my normal, daily routine. so maybe i'll just have to do photo dump friday on the fridays i work. we'll see. anyway...

and surprise, surprise, they're all of c-train and aria. i didn't take hardly any pictures. these are all from the same time...

carter woke up from his nap wearing BOTH of his spiderman suits (he has the original and black ones). and when he took the black one off, he asked aria if she wanted to wear it. which of course, she did. they crack me up.

 

there is one other picture. from earlier today. carter is off on a play date with is friend, xander, and aria went down for a nap. she's been doing this thing lately where she will just randomly burst into tears, and it's not just normal crying. it's terrifying. it sounds like she is hurt or someone scared her. but she just says she wants her mommy or misses her mommy, and i try to explain to her that mommy's at work. she knows this. she's also been doing this thing lately where sometimes she won't take a nap unless i hold her until she falls asleep.

today was a combination of both. and there is something so peacefully satisfying about carrying a limp, fast asleep two year old up to her room and laying her in bed. she's adorable.

brilliant in the most strangest of ways

oh, Miranda July. how you disturb and inspire me. 

this is unrelated, but I recently started following The Daybook Blog (which is where I saw this video for the second time. so i guess this isn't entirely unrelated...) anyway, Sydney, the genius behind it all, is on cloud 9 in week 1 with a new baby boy.

she did a series where she had other bloggy mamas share their most priceless moment during the first week of motherhood. they were all beautiful. so well written. 

and if i haven't been saying i'm baby hungry for the last 2-3 months... then I am now. (BUT. chloe just publicly admitted the same. and she's gotta be first. 2 1/2 years vs. 6 months? please. after you!!! :) haha)

it will be (at least) another year or two... or three.. before this ashby family is ready for a little one. but it's still okay for me to swoon over babies and smile to myself when i picture it happening to us. and i am content with swooning and picturing for now.

five things: weekend.

my weekend described in a 5 things post:

On Friday, I didn't have work, so after getting my eyelash extensions refilled by the amazing Baylee Taylor (let me know if you want extensions and I'll give you details! she's awesome!), I had lunch with one of my best friends, Valeri. That night, Devin and I headed down to Velour to see our good friend, Cory Mon play! Devin and Cory have been close friends for several years, and he promptly introduced me to his music when we started dating. He isn't your typical provo hipster artist. not at all. his following is actually a lot more centered around the Salt Lake area, and he's not like anything I've ever heard. As I've gotten to know Cory a little, I have gained so much respect for him. As a person, as a musician, and as a friend. He is one of the most respectful, kind-hearted, hilarious individuals I have ever met, and I am always impressed with him. After watching him play, it is so obvious how much his music means to him, and I feel like that is an aspect of the industry that a lot of artists tend to lose site of. It was refreshing to see someone who is still performing for the sake of the music.

This was the first time I have seen Cory perform live, since the other times he's performed in Utah lately have all been in 21+  venues. I was amazed! He was so good live, and he shared the stage with his good friend, Wes Kirkpatrick, who I am guaranteed to start listening to on a regular basis. So great! A band called Lady and Gent opened for Wes and Cory, and they weren't too bad either! They had won battle of the bands over the summer, and I loved their harmonies. It was such a great show, even though we didn't get home until 12:00, it was totally worth it. (Oh! Plus also, Dustin Christensen played with Wes. And we love Dustin. He does a lot of his own singing and songwriting, and he's also in one of our favorite bands, The Lower Lights, a hymn revival kind of band.)

On Saturday, Devin and I shot a wedding in Draper for a couple we've been working with for a few months now (we did their engagements and bridals as well). It was awesome to finally see everything come together for them. We got to the temple way early and finally got around to shooting (um. the draper temple is SO windy. poor Jill (bride), her veil kept flying out! There were probably about 80 people at the temple, and I thought that getting all the group pictures was going to be impossible. To get 80 people to listen to one person? yeah right. Devin is the man! He got everything done so fast, and it all looked so great. I heard a guy behind me saying "whoa. this guy is business! he knows what he's doing!" -- it's true, it's true.

After the temple pictures, we decided to head to Salt Lake to do a little shopping and get some lunch.

1. We headed to Trifecta, one of our favorite stores. Our good friend Brittany works there, and they sell those Middle Kingdom vases I'm always raving about. We caved and bought 3!

our three new additions.

our ever-growing collection!

2. Brittany recommended we had lunch just a few doors down that The Soup Kitchen, so we did! I had the best creamy tomato soup ever, with a California sandwich. It was delicious!

(photo not taken by me)

3. On our way back to the car, Devin did something I think he will regret. He let us go into Central Book Exchange. I was immediately engrossed in the stacks and piles of books all over the store and ended up leaving with 7, and only paying $32! I would post pictures of books I got, but they will all be gifts, except for an AWESOME copy of To Kill A Mockingbird that I've never seen before (which is weird).

(photo not taken by me)

After all that, we headed back to Draper for the reception, which was in a huge backyard. It was awesome, and Devin got some amazing shots, including family pictures for the groom's family of 24 adults! We didn't shoot any kids, and we still had tons of  people! Again, it would have been a huge challenge for any photographer, but Devin did so great, and handled it all so well. I was even frustrated and I was hardly doing anything! He is just that good I guess.

Other things:

4. My new earrings. I think they're my new favorites.

5. After the reception was over, we drove home but stopped at the grocery store to pick up some last minute things for dinner on Sunday (we are having Devin's family over. It's our turn to cook!), and we stumbled upon THIS. Wild Berry 7-up. It's delicious! Way better than the pomegranate that I thought I loved. I'm nervous it won't be around for very long, so we have plans to go back soon and stock UP.

It was a good weekend.